


Fill the Gaps

by orphan_account



Series: Fill the Gaps [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: ADHD, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Autism, BDSM, Dominant/Submissive, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Master/Slave, Subdrop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-05-18 22:25:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5945455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something deep inside of me knows I should be enjoying this, but for some reason I can't. I see him, but I don't feel anything except the cool metal chain hanging loosely from my neck with a ring attached to the very end. I want this ring, so bad, but I don't deserve it at all and I'm not even sure if it's a good idea.</p>
<p>Jay is struggling. He's in his second year of college and studying to be podiatrist. His inspiration for this career choice is Gabbie, his one and only little sister that he loves to death and would do anything for. Jay watches her, feeds her, plays with her to make sure she isn't alone every single day, but mostly to take his mind off of things he doesn't want to think about.</p>
<p>His mother, for one.<br/>His drifting relationship, secondly.<br/>And how much more tired he's getting by the hour.</p>
<p>He's not sure how much longer he can keep up with the world or if it's even worth trying. But thankfully, Aaron is there to pick him back up and slap sense into his labyrinth of a mind, refreshing him when others can't and showing him what a perfect future he can have if he keeps pushing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Epilogue

 

**  
**

**Jay**

It's the middle of April; finals are being sent home, stress is building up and all I want to do is sleep. I want to sleep 'till the day's end, to just rest for once. Never before has the stress built up so high, make my shoulders feel like they weigh a ton. It's never been this bad! Just looking at the stack of portfolios on my desk make me want to scream and give everything up, but I know that if I do, I won't accomplish my goal, my dream. This test could make or break my grades and the last thing I want to do is repeat this class next year; then it'll take even longer to secure a job and get myself out of the hellhole I call home.

 

That's just college is I guess.

Rubbing a hand over my face, I scrub my eyes to clear my vision and take one of the study guides from the stack. My teachers decided that these would be graded and turned in three weeks from now; the same day everything is turned in is also the test. Well, multiple tests seeing as I have more than one class. And lucky me, every test will be held on the same day, which means that I won't be home until late. Wow, what a great month.

 

** **

**Aaron**

Elongating my arms above my head, I stretch my jaw and yawn. The beautiful sunrise bathes San Francisco in a beautiful light, it shines off tall sky scrapers and bounces off cars. Honestly, this is one part of my job that I love; just being able to gaze above from my office space onto the people and families bellow, like some sort of God.

But, unfortunately, I'm just a man.

"Get your head out of the clouds, Aaron, you have a manuscript to write." Ela, my personal assistant and best friend for seven years steps into my office with two cups of coffee in hand.

"Aw, but I'm so tired. Gimme." I give a shy smile and swivel my chair around fully to face her. She clicks her tongue and places the steaming paper cup into my hands. A sigh of relief escapes from lips at how heavenly it smells, not to mention the warmth.

"Well I don't care. Now hurry up because it's due today." Dang, I really wanted to take my time with this. I guess procrastination isn't a very good thing, huh?

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the coffee." I wink as she exits my workspace. Then, get to work on the rest of the manuscript, glancing at the beautiful scenery behind me as motivation to get this done as fast as possible.

 

 

**Jay**

A tap on my cheek and a giggle stirs me from the binds of sleep. Groggily, I caress the smooth skin of her hand and open my eyes to look at my little princess.

"Morning Gabbie." I mumble. She smiles at me with her rosy cheeks and toothy grin, hair tied into two neat pigtails. The pink of her lips bunch up into an 'O' as she struggles to find words; I make sure to give her time, otherwise she'll get upset and angry, which never ends well for either of us.

"W, want breakfast." Once Gabbie finishes, she smiles triumphantly; it's usually hard for her to communicate with me or anyone for that matter, so this little win for me is like earning a medal for her.

"You got it." With one last moment to clear my head, I stretch my body and swing my legs over the bed. She follows me out into the hall and into the kitchen, seating herself at the breakfast nook.

As usual, I clear away the empty bottles mom left over the night before, and give Gabbie her coloring book to keep busy while I cook.

"Hmm, I'm feeling hungry for pancakes. You?" I tease. She squirms excitedly in her seat and produces a face splitting grin. Smiling, I push my hair back and take the ingredients out to make some; homemade pancakes are the best when cooked from scratch.

As I stir everything together in a bowl, I plan my schedule for today. First, there's getting Gabbie ready for school, then dropping her off. After that I go straight to UC for my morning and afternoon classes. Maybe if I stay at the library for a few extra hours then I'll get more work done; on the other hand, I'm not sure I want to leave Gabbie by herself for that long. There's no telling what mom will do. But this needs to get done, the sooner the better in this case.

For the both of us.

I nod my head in conclusion, having made my decision, and pour the batter into a skillet, waiting for bubbles to rise to the top. While the pancakes are cooking, I have Gabbie grab plates and silverware; coloring books never keep her occupied long enough. "Thanks princess." I wink. She gives me a thumbs up and sits back down, her tiny legs dangling from the hard plastic seat. The pancakes start to bubble thickly so I flip them, doing a little dance in between for entertainment. After a couple minutes, everything is cooked and plated. Gabbie eats silently with gusto, shoving each piece into her mouth like the food will disappear within a moments notice. I take care to remind her to slow down of course and wipe away at the dribbles of syrup around her lips. While we're eating, I can't help but stare at the beautiful girl before my eyes, drinking up every little pose and sound she makes becuase she's just that precious. While I'm around and she's still alive, I want Gabbie to have the best childhood I can provide for her; autism and ADHD are a really difficult combo to balance and there's only so much she can do within her range of focus. That's why when I graduate, I'll make sure to find a job and get ourselves out of here. There's no reason for her to stay here with mom (if I can call her that) when she has the chance to breathe and stretch her legs with me.

Shaking my head, I dismiss my thoughts and return all attention back to breakfast. Small steps, I remind myself.

********

"Bye! Have a good day." I crouch down and wave to Gabbie from across the playroom. She bounces up and down on the multicolored mat with her other friends and then goes back to playing in hyperactive mode.

Some of the little kids grab my ankles as I walk back to my car.

"Bye Jay!"

"Jay don't leave!"

"Carry me Jay!"

I smile gingerly and shake my head. "Sorry guys, I can't play today. Another time okay?" They all pout momentarily but come around after a few moments, then walk back to their spots on the mat. I give an apologetic glance and a last goodbye to Tate, her supervisor, and I'm on my way to school.

********

"Okay Gabbie. Go put your stuff away." The door snaps shut behind me. She was pretty much beaming today; Tate said that she had a good day and even got a few sentences in. Of course I serenaded her in hugs in kisses, then without really thinking, promised her ice cream after dinner.

Oops.

"O,okay!" she says. Her backback flops against her back as she runs into her room. The corners of my lips curl upwards, eyes tearing up a little.

"Jay." And then I'm back to ground zero. My mood shifting from soaring in the clouds, to face planting rock bottom. Mom enters the living room, wine glass in hand and leans against the couch. I bet she hasn't even been home an hour, yet she's already drinking.

"Yes?"

"That's all you have to say to your mother? Not a 'Hi. How was work?' or 'Do you need anything?'. This is how you treat me?" Her wine sloshes back and forth as she makes large hand gestures.

"When you stop drinking and face up to your responsibilities and actually act like a mom, then maybe we'll talk more. But for now that's all I'm going to say. Now what do you want?" I snap. She has no right to criticize me, no right to call her my mother. When dad died and Gabbie was diagnosed with autism, she shut us out and practically drowned in all her sorrows. Since then, she hasn't cared for us once. She didn't spend time with us or talk to Gabbie in any shape or form; she sees her disorder as a burden on the family which is complete nonsense. It's not like Gabbie can't learn or make friends or have a good future. She just assumed the worst and treated her like an outcast. _"Your allowance will be tripled. Use the money to take care of yourself and your sister or whatever you want, I don't really care."_ Is what she said the day I graduated. Since then, we haven't really had a son/mother relationship. And yet I struggle to please her anyway. Maybe that's just the optimistic part of me, the half where I know that she can change, that maybe things can turn around for the better.

"I just wanted to know how your day was." She twirls her fingers in her long chestnut hair and sips from the glass.

"It was fine." I turn on my heel, ending the discussion, and head into the kitchen to order in for pizza. There isn't any time to make real food, I still have to study.

"Well to let you know, work went pretty well. I bought a new company." I can't believe she's still talking to me. I hold up a hand when the other line picks up.

"Hi, I'd like to order a small Hawaiian pizza with extra pineapple please." That's Gabbie's favorite. The guy on the other line types in my order. "Delivery please. Yeah, that amount is fine." Then I give him my address. "Thank you."

"I thought you liked homemade dinners. And is a small going to be enough?"

"Since when do you pay attention to what I like? And you can make your own food tonight I have homework to do." She rolls her eyes and sighs. The alcohol seeps out of her breath; I crinkle my nose.

"You're not very nice." she says. The headache I had earlier comes back at full force; I rub my eyes tiredly.

"Whatever." I exit the kitchen and walk into my room, throwing my bag onto the desk and pulling out every portfolio of work. All my attention is shifted to the study guide, occasionally glancing at my textbook for assistance. Although my mind is reeling with work material, the other part of me wants to slam my books closed and try to set things right with mom, make her put away the alcohol and just pay attention; I know it would be useless to try though.

About half an hour passes by before the doorbell rings and I meet the delivery guy; I hand him the money along with a small tip, then call Gabbie into the kitchen. As usual she gets here in a flash, taking out three plates and setting them at the table. My lips curl into a slight frown, eyes glancing downcast as I dismiss the extra place setting.

"It's just us today." I say. She frowns and puts the other plate away. A few moments later she reappears, I hand her a slice and watch her eat.

"So school was good today?" Gabbie nods her head.

"Did you meet anyone new?"

"N,no."

"That's alright. You will eventually. How's David?"

"G,g,good." Some sauce gets on her cheek, I wipe it away with a napkin.

"And Stacey?" She nods her head and grabs another slice. I just leave her to her own devices; the more she eats, the better; it's not likely that she finishes all her food without leaving spare amounts of veggies or condiments whenever I make something homemade. Meanwhile, my sliver of food goes untouched. That little encounter with mom tired me out, despite the shortness of it, leaving a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. She can just be so difficult sometimes.

"Wow Gabbie, you're gonna get as fat as a rhino!" I exclaim. She laughs and kicks me in the shin.

"Nu uh!" she smiles.

The last of the box is finished and I wrap my slice up to save for later. Gabbie puts her plate in the sink and walks into the bathroom, knowing her schedule by heart. And I guess she's pretty tired because the toothbrush fell out her hands more than once while brushing her teeth. And I didn't even get a single sentence of her favorite book in before she was fast asleep.

"Goodnight Gabbie." I murmur and shut her door after flicking on the nightlight. With that done, it's time to hit the books.

**_End of Chapter 1_ **

**_(Comment if I made any grammar mistakes please or just for fun! Hope you like the first chapter!!!!)_ **


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Jay and Aaron's relationship

**Jay**

The light of pre dawn shines through my window; small birds chirp and wake, cars on the freeway can be heard buzzing about.

I scoot my chair out from the desk and stretch my back, neck and arms; everything feels tight and achy from sitting in the same position for over eight hours, with unfortunately, no sleep. Despite that, I managed to study a good amount and even broke through on some problems I had with a few subjects. So all in all, it was worth it. I just need to take a nap when I get home or something. Oh, and go grocery shopping. I list every errand that needs to be done after school today on the way to the shower; at one point I had to stop and collect myself for a second to organize my thoughts, if not try to pull myself together. I mean, it's not like I'm tired, more like drained. There are so many responsibilities to take care of that I never would have thought to have when I was younger.

But the comforting feeling of warm water running its course along my back helps, makes me feel less tense. At least in here I can have privacy. This is my world, the only place where I don't have to stress or think about small things. I'm not as anxious either, here, like I normally am during my day to day routine. Sometimes when I can't handle some of Gabbie's outbursts or one of mom's drinking fits, the only place I can think of to go would be here or to Aaron's place; I guess I could call it a temporary haven....

Hygiene aside, once I started to get dizzy of all the heat, the shower is turned off leaving behind a scent of cinnamon body wash and vanilla essence.

"Gabbie! It's time to get ready." I can hear her tiny feet scamper across the floor and a door shutting from my room as I dry myself off and dress in baggy grey shorts with a striped navy blue shirt. There's no reason to help her out, her morning routine is firmly etched into my little princesses' mind: brushing her teeth, showering, getting dressed, stuff like that.

Mom should be gone, I hope, knowing that she has to be called into work early every day. Most times, if I'm lucky, I can manage to avoid her the whole day; yesterday was a surprise though, she was home before I was and not out at a bar. She even tried to have a conversation with me which is very unusual.

 A wave of guilt courses through my veins, a frown paints itself across my face. She had actually tried to talk to me yesterday and I shot her down, not even bothering to take interest in what she wanted...needed, maybe. I'll make it up to her, I decide. With that thought in mind, my morning was a bit easier once I finished getting Gabbie ready and out the door. Today I made some oatmeal (I had to convince her to eat it) which was gone in an instant, seeing as she didn't like the look of 'brown mush' in a bowl, no matter how much fruit I placed on top of it. I wasn't especially hungry, so I skipped and promised myself to eat later. Breakfast, I know, is apparently pretty useful in terms of energy replenishment. But it's not like I actually need it in terms of life or death.

I feel fine.

**Aaron**

Groaning, I sit up from underneath the covers and grab my phone for the fifth time to dismiss my alarm. I'm not a morning person, pretty much the opposite. Thus the several reminders I give myself whenever it's time to get up and go to work. In the past I would lounge in bed, not really giving a damn about being late or on time, but to just take care of myself and leave everyone to their own devices. My behavior was corrected eventually when Ela got tired of my crap and my mindset changed instantly within two words of her lecturing. I guess that was for the better.

She doesn't need to know that though.

Sliding out of bed, I walk into the bathroom and start the shower; its steam paints the mirrors in a foggy gray. After stripping out of my clothes, leaving them pooled at my feet, I step into the near scalding water, sighing in relief as it relaxes my tensed muscles from sleeping so weirdly yesterday. Last night I just plopped myself on the bed and settled for a movie since all other business was taken care of at the office. One of the house keepers brought me dinner too, which, obviously, put me into a food coma with my body twisted on the bed at a funny angle. I know I know, I'm lazy, people don't really need to emphasize that point. But cooking isn't really my forte or cleaning, so I hired helpers for that. Spending time eating cereal in a room full of business papers littering the floor isn't exactly living, so....

Wow, I'm such a mess this week.

*******

"What are you doing?" Ela walks into my office with a sigh and leans back, folders clutched in her arms. I open my eyes and look at her from my compromising position on the desk, legs crossed and elbows resting on my knees.

"Meditating." I simply answer. I reseal my eyes and take a deep, calming breath.

"Quit playing around. You have work to do!" I stick my tongue out. " And don't think I'm not still mad that you were late yesterday." she adds in an icy tone. My tongue quickly sucks back in and I hop off the desk, into the chair and open my laptop. I remember all too well what the consequences are for not doing what Ela says. Whatever she desires shall be delivered at this company. And even though I'm technically the boss here, she scares me a lot so I'd rather not get on her bad side.

I give her one last look, hoping she would pity me, but pout when her hair whips my cheek and the door clicks shut.

"Bully." I mutter. She can be a real piece of work sometimes, especially if I owe her a favor.

Just as I start to sulk, the door creaks open. My eyes gleam and I'm out of my chair in a second, embracing a vanilla scented body.

"Woah! Easy there." he soothes.

"God, I've missed you. How are finals going?" I ask, still not parting. We haven't hugged like this since....

"I still have one more week to prepare, but I feel like I'm going to fail anyway." he sighs. I pull back to look at Jay and glare.

"Don't say that. You've been working your butt off since starting college and you sure as hell aren't going to quit now." I fix him a hard stare. "You still want this. Right?" He nods eagerly, a new fire lit beneath his eyes. "That's all you need then, determination."

Jay clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes playfully. "Since when are you the motivational speaker?"

"Actually, I'm your cheerleader but I'll settle for that too."

"Really? I thought you'd want something more masculine, like a coach. But...if you want to put on a skirt and pom poms then I'm not objecting." I laugh, my shoulders shaking and tears coming to my eyes. His kinky side never fails to be anything less than creative.

"We'll see." I hint, smirking at the hopeful look in his eyes. "So did you need anything in particular or just come to say hi to your lover?" I walk to the mini fridge, tucked in the corner of my office. I take out two water bottles, tossing one to Jay.

"Not really. My classes were canceled today." He takes a seat on a white swivel chair next to the window.

"I'm surprised that you didn't go straight home." But looking at him now.... "Are you okay?" He looks a bit more tired than normal, although there aren't any physical hints, and tense.

"Yeah." he simply answers. I roll my eyes and walk over to him, resting my palms on his shoulders and kneading the skin with my thumbs. He sighs in content, sinking into my touch. A familiar burn throbs below my navel, setting my senses ablaze and drinking in every sound he makes at the mercy of my thumbs. "I'm just tired."

"Spend the night at my house tonight. If you need to be anywhere tomorrow then I'll drive you."

**Jay**

I worry the inside of my cheek, not exactly sure how to answer. Last night was pretty stressful and I do want a break but.... I rub at my eyes, trying to find the right answer. After a few moments, I decide that one night away from the house shouldn't be too bad and that mom wouldn't starve Gabbie or anything while I'm gone. As long as I leave her a message to pick up Gabbie from school and keep her busy then everything should be fine. Finally, I answer, "That sounds nice. Tomorrow's the weekend though, just so you know. I don't have anywhere to be."

"Perfect. Maybe we can," he pauses the massage and I whine, "try out some new things tonight." I pick up the obvious hint, plus the growl in throat and I smirk.

"We'll see. Ela says you haven't been good lately."

"It was only one meeting! How long are you people going to hold that against me?!" he whines. I turn the chair around and stare at his ice blue eyes.

"I don't know. But until you get your act together I'm not sure we'll be doing anything for a while." I tease. Before he can protest I tug at his cuff and pull him in, caressing his supple lips for a while. I want to just drink him up and keep him here forever but we have to come up for air eventually. I pull away, breathless. Aaron gives me a lustful gaze; he surprises me by standing back up and plopping down at his desk chair, typing away furiously at his laptop with a new incentive. "Was that enough motivation for you?" I ask.

"Plenty. Now shut up before I do anything stupid." I chuckle and lick my lips. I expected him to reciprocate and beg but obviously that's not the case today. If anything, I'd say he's trying to get all his work done faster to get me home and in his arms.

Sighing, the world spins for a moment and I clutch my eyes closed to keep myself grounded. I've had a headache since last night that never really went away but it's nothing some medication won't fix. And a little sleep....

**Aaron**

My fingers tap and trample on the small black squares beneath them, making small clicking noises. That kiss certainly set my mind straight and I intend to complete every assignment that comes my way; that way I can get Jay home faster and we can catch up during dinner. There might be some begging and coaxing along the way of course, but more than anything I just want to spend time with him and make sure he's taking care of himself. I never really went to college but the stress factor is pretty much the same here at work.

With that in mind, nothing stops my continuous roll of writing out manuscripts and organizing meetings, all the while surprising Ela when she came in to check up on me. A knowing smile graced her lips when she spotted Jay in the chair, cuddled up with my jacket wrapped around him. A few more hours pass and I find that every file is emptied and sent to my co workers; I pump my fist in the air and stand up to stretch. My joints pop and crack, I can't help but think of how Jay would comment that I'm getting old. Taking a breath, I bend down next to him and shake him awake, quickly replacing the smile on my lips with a frown as he struggles to open his eyes.

**Jay**

_"Hey mom." My heart paces in my chest, pulsing my body and causing my fingers to twitch. She looks up at me from her bed and quirks an eyebrow._

_."I brought you dinner." I say, hoping she'll say something because the silence is killing me. I adjust the plates of food in my hands to close the door._

_"Well that's a first." The bed dips as I sit down and set the food between us. I frown slightly, not sure what she means._

_"What do you mean? I always cook you dinner."_

_"No I meant you calling me mom." I freeze, pausing my fork midway and setting it back on the plate. I take a moment to collect my thoughts, licking my lips and taking a breath._

_"I just wanted to apologize for how I acted yesterday. I'm just really on edge and tired, but you know that seeing a wine glass in your hand sets me on edge so...." I finish lamely. She surprises me by scoffing._

_"It's just a little wine. Besides, that little freak is the whole reason I drink in the first place. Surely you know that." She emphasizes the word freak with such bitterness that I would have thought our topic of focus was on someone else. But it's not someone else, it's my little sister and it horrifying how her own mother can talk to her like that._

_"Don't call her that." I plead. There's a heavy lump in my throat so I swallow it down, taking the anger with it; we won't solve this problem with yelling. She scoots farther up on the pillows, eating and waiting for me to say something else. "If you just give her a chance," I slide closer, "we can work this out. All of us. Think of dad, he wouldn't want you-"_

_"Shut up! You don't know anything about what your father would want. I know what he wants because I was married to him for years!" Her voice increases in volume and I'm silently praying that Gabbie is still in her playroom. "He never loved Gabbie, in fact she scared him! What kind of child doesn't know how to speak a coherant sentence by the age of six?! Her reading level is below a preschooler's and she's just so stupid! I don't know where that thing came from but it certainly isn't mine." She smashes her plate of food down on the floor and I flinch, scared out of my mind. Mom starts screaming and picks up one of the shards of ceramic, stalking towards the door and down the hall. My heart drops in my stomach, my palms tremble, everything is starting to spin and I'm sure that I'm on the edge of having a panic attack._

_Wait._

_Gabbie!_

_As quick as my feet can carry me, I take two steps at a time up the stairs up to the playroom, catching mom by the wrist and successfully taking the shard from her hand._

_"Let me go! Jay!" Her body flails left and right, shaking and knocking me backwards and nearly causing me to fall down the steps. I yell out her name and tell her to calm down, only releasing her when she finally drops to the floor and starts to sob. It's then that I notice the amount of alcohol that stains her breath and permeates her clothes; she was drinking. A lot._

_Hands trembling, I reach down to touch her. "Mom plea-"_

_"Don't touch me." Her legs wobble and shake as she descends the stairs with an audible slam of a door shortly behind._

"Hm?" I groan, wiping my eyes and yawning. Aaron's hand is on my shoulder and rubbing circles in it like earlier; he looks at me curiously.

He opens and closes his mouth, determining weather or not to speak. He shakes his head after a moment and clears his throat, "It's time to go", and slides me up from the chair. It's pretty much a blur from there, my mind continues on autopilot while Aaron leads us through the lobby and signing out. I'm pretty sure some of his friends said 'hi' to me but I wasn't paying attention. Well, that is, until Aaron kissed me.

Just soft and supple with a little bite to it; Aaron's kisses always give me what I need. I run my hands over his shirt and wrap my palms around his neck, pulling back briefly to speak. "Thank you, sir. I love you."

"Always, Jay. What's on your mind?" I startle at the engine waking, just now realizing that we're in the car.

"Nothing sir. I'm just tired." Chills run down my spine as I think about my punishment for lying and not eating like I promised I would. Maybe he'll forget about SC today?

My chest expands and deflates as I breathe in and out to calm myself; his toffee scented freshener tastes extra sweet today.

Or maybe I'm just hungry.

Yep. Probably the latter.


	3. Chapter 3

There is no one in that moment who Jay would want to talk to except himself. Sure, he loves Aaron, admires him even, but there are some things that he wishes would be left unsaid. Dealing with fatigue and stress are his own problems, not Aaron's so he can't see any point in talking about it.

"Why, sir?" He knows he's pushing limits here, but Jay doesn't care. If anything, Aaron is the most patient man, or person, for that matter, to bother putting up with him; he knows his submissive's behavior well enough to spot when he's ready to self destruct.  Jay fidgets and eases his weight more onto his forearms, knees starting to ache.

"It looks like you're uncomfortable. The longer you stay quiet, the longer you'll just stay there." he simply responds.

Jay says nothing for a while until he decides that his knees can't take it anymore. "I'm tired." he mumbles, wanting to just close his eyes and lay in bed with his dominant. "That's all."

"There's more to that story, I'm sure." Aaron slips off his shoes and lays on his side with his head resting on his palm. Some wind drifts through the curtains, leaving a cool kiss on his skin.

Cursing Aaron mentally, Jay adds, "I haven't eaten like you told me to." Then bites out the rest, rubbing his forehead against the hardwood. "And I had a nightmare. That's all, sir." Once his confessions were out, Jay felt the opposite of lightweight, he felt even heavier. Being forced to say what's on his mind is like torture, like pulling nails one by one from his fingers or watching his mother drink alcohol in the same room as her daughter. This is the first time since last month that the two have seen each other and his second year in college with only two left to spare. Time is passing by so quickly and it's making his head spin in circles, along with the constant questioning if he can actually do this. Can he take care of Gabbie? Is he ready for a full time job? What if he fails his exams and doesn't move up a year? These are all natural fears, yes, but what sets them apart from others is that Jay doesn't have a backup plan. He doesn't want to live off of Aaron's money and never considered living with him; those are just two possibilities he's not ready to explore yet.

Aaron licks his lips, deciding he'll work with what he's got. "Come lay on the bed with me?" he asks. It could've been a command, hell he should've made it one, but it looks like Jay is struggling to make good decisions and is being pretty vague. He could probably use some time to clear his head. But whether he wants to be with Aaron or not is his decision right now.

Jay seems to need his attention because he immediately sits up and plops on his side, snuggling into the crook of Aaron's neck and shoulder, wrapping his arms around a broad chest and running his hands across soft cotton. A large lump begins to form in his throat and Jay's lip begins to quiver, chin wrinkling and mouth upturned into a small pout. Aaron takes his silence and body contact as a blissful reminder of his position; he's Jay's dominant, he's Jay's protector. And what his submissive needs is reassurance. Tenderly, Aaron reciprocates Jay's hug and cradles his neck with is free hand, massaging and pushing down on tense areas like earlier.

Meanwhile, Jay sniffles and shakes just hurting all over from head to toe. Pang after pang, throb after throb, like a thick wall of glass getting ready to crack from the inside out.  Lines of tears fall past the bridge of his nose and across his cheek, then finally spilling over his chin and dripping onto Aaron's shirt. And slowly, the pressure behind his eyes starts to let up by minuscule amounts and the burning in his nose fades to nothing. It's like the cool breeze that once again wafted into their room simultaneously calmed him and stopped all the tears completely.

"Feel better?" Aaron asks, resting his forehead against Jay's.

"Yeah." Taking his time unraveling Jay's little ball of secrets was a little easier today and took less time than normal, but Aaron heard what he had to say and that's all he wanted. Of course they're going to talk about it but maybe not just yet; It's still daylight and the weather is perfect for an outing. 

After hugging Jay one last time, Aaron separates from him and sits up on the bed, stretching with a few bones popping. He sends a glare in Jay's direction after hearing a muffled laugh. Then cracking a smile and chuckling along with him. "Get dressed, we're going out." he chirps.

"Where are we going?" Jay asks, wiping at his cheeks; dried tears aren't the most comfortable marks to have on your face, that crusty feeling along with a slight burn in the corner of his eye. Also stretching out, but still overly conscious of himself, Jay rises and follows Aaron to his closet, keeping his eyes down and wrapping his arms above his hips. The man seems to be in a mood for a change of clothes; normal, yes, but what's strange are the matching outfits that he picks out. Aaron isn't the type to wear a single color or pattern in an entire outfit; in fact, he's extremely disorganized and his normal public wear shows that. Jay has seen the man in enough flannel and checkered shorts to get an ideal picture, in depth, of his personality; he doesn't like attention very much, yet when he socializes his normal behavior bubbles to the top and spills over the edge like he's really trying to make the person like him. Aaron would look like he's trying to make a connection with the other, but he's never sure how to do it and then gives up. Thus, bringing in dull greys and blacks, less eye contact and more distance. It's something that might not change over time for Aaron, but it won't drive Jay away any time soon.

"I was thinking of booking a hotel room for the night, and then walking around town to see what's interesting. What do you think?" Aaron quirks an eyebrow, hoping Jay will take the bait. His oral plan seems like first date status, but there's something special he wants to do tonight. He's been wanting to do it for a while, but with Jay's schedule there haven't been any free dates to plan anything.

"Okay. That sounds nice." Jay still feels confused, and _definitely_   wondering why he hasn't been given a punishment yet or expected to give an explanation. In fact, it's in their contract that when one of them are in distress they would talk through it.... Shrugging it off and pretending like the last few moments never happened, Jay carries on.

"What hotel are we staying at?" he asks.

"Courts." Picking out a few more outfits, a few matching and others his normal style, Aaron grabs a medium sized duffel bag from the ledge and stuffs them in. "Can you get my toothbrush and stuff please?"

"But it's so far." Jay whines, sagging his shoulders.

A glitzy smile curls onto Aaron's lips, glad to see Jay acting like his normal self. "How do I get called lazy yet you wont even walk 20 steps across the room?" he chuckles. "Just grab them really quick." he adds, leaving no room for argument. Finally Jay concedes and drags his feet past the bed and into the bathroom. Taking his chance Aaron reaches far back behind his rack of clothes and grabs a few tools they'll need later, each one leaving behind a fine flicker of heat in his eyes and a burning below his navel. He stuffs them into the bag underneath his clothes and adds some extra shoes to cover them up more.

Meanwhile, Jay shuffles through Aaron's medicine cabinet to try and look for pain relievers. A near empty bottle of Advil is what he finds eventually, the small pills dotting about and obviously free in the tiny plastic container. He reads the directions on the back, determining how much he'll need, then starts the faucet and swallows them down. Thankfully they're the tiny kind, otherwise he might have skipped out on medication completely; swallowing huge pills isn't something he enjoys doing. After he finishes, Jay snags their toothbrushes from the tiny plastic cup on the sink as well as their travel toiletries that Aaron keeps in the bottom drawer. He double checks to make sure that everything is in the tiny black bag then makes his way back into the bedroom.

"Got it. Do I need to pack anything?" Aaron must have put at least three outfits into the bag, even though they're staying for one night.

"No, I got you covered."

"Did you get my charger?"

"Yes. And I even got those pompoms you asked me to pack." he smirks.

"But I didn't ask you to....." Jay's voice lowers in volume as a small blush creeps up his cheeks. "Did you get the skirt too?" he adds, teasing. Aaron laughs and shakes his head, turning off the closet light and exiting the bedroom. Jay tails behind him still wondering if Aaron was serious about props or not. He did get his hopes up earlier in the office....

That thought was soon forgotten after a while though. The constant stream of word vomit and endless gossip coming from Aaron's mouth filled enough space in Jay's head to block anything and everything else out that wasn't his dominant. Just being this close to him...it's hard not to think of anything else.

"What were you thinking of doing tonight?" Jay asks as soon as he catches a break. He rolls down the window a bit, enjoying the perfect breeze and sunlight tinging his skin. Beside him, Aaron shrugs.

"Whatever we find. This is pretty much in the spur of the moment." he lies. "But I think we should try out some new restaurants and then head out by the bay area." Making his turn, Aaron clicks his signal and pulls onto the freeway. Jay turns the volume up more on the radio and taps his fingers to the beat on his lap.

"Selfish, taking what I want and call it mine

I'm helpless, clinging to a little bit of spine

They rush me, telling me I'm running out of time

They shush me (shhh), walking me across a fragile line"

Beside him Aaron secretly records his submissive on his phone. It's only once in a while that he gets to hear Jay sing, and when he does his voice is no less amazing. It's beautiful even and he wishes that Jay would do it more often around him. Once the song finishes another comes up to mask their silence. A select few of them Jay sung but others he just enjoyed listening to. Besides taking care of Gabbie and taking classes, singing is really the only hobby that Jay ever stuck to. Not only because it's convenient, but also because it's fun to manipulate and make different sounds with his voice, and all the cause of a few muscles in his throat. The whole concept is amazing if a person thinks about it.

After a few minutes more of cruising down the freeway, their designated exit comes into view so Aaron switches lanes and prepares to get off. "So the hotel is really nice, I've been there before and I think you'll like it." He comments, stopping at the light.

"Is there anything special to see inside?"

"Well there's a really large garden next to the pool...." Something in his tone of voice sets Jay on edge, almost like he's planning something but doesn't want to say it out loud. He shoots him a cautious stare.

"What are you-"

"Shit!" Jay feels himself jump out of his skin at Aaron's sudden outburst, followed by his arm slamming against his chest and the car breaks screeching them to a halt; a delivery truck nearly slammed into the couple coming from the opposite direction, attempting to make a U turn even though it was a red light on their side. Thankfully, Aaron stopped them in time with seconds to spare. Jay sits there, too stunned to speak and mind going blank as he pulls the car over to the curb opposite a coffee shop. Aaron unbuckles his seat belt and heaves a sigh, reaching a hand up to comb through his hair. "Damn that was close." he mutters, and shakes his head. It's crazy how they nearly had an accident there and it's too scary to think about an alternate ending. Their lives could have been lost, done, _taken_   within a matter of seconds while the other driver might have gone free. Just thinking about that bastard sets Aaron's blood to a boil, the most vicious of road rage. Swallowing thickly, he breathes through his nose a few times then turns to check on Jay.

"Babe. Are you okay?" He runs a hand over his lover's back, tilting as much as he can to see his face. Jay lay his head in both hands, scrubbing at his temples and eyes. All of the Advil was shocked out of his system for sure, feeling like a dozen stones are being pelted at his head suddenly. He feels scared, but definitely overwhelmed most of all. Jay could have lost everything in that moment, at the stoplight.

Everything.

Everything that he'd worked for, his relationship with Aaron, his little sister, his home. It's like he was being sent a message from God telling him to clean up his act and quit wasting time in the damn car and trying to relax; he needs to leave, he needs to work. What the hell is he still doing in this damn car?! Biting his lip viscously, Jay attempts not to cry and calm himself down before Aaron makes a fuss but he can't. He feels so confused and _lost_ and he can't think straight. It feels like everything is just hitting him at once and it's just really hard to handle on his own.

"Hey, hey. Look at me. Jay you need to breathe!" And Jay can feel himself panicking, he can feel himself loosing control. But what can he do if he can't think straight? There's a large pound of pressure suddenly on his chest, knocking the wind out of him and he feels dizzy; it's choking him from the inside, creeping up his throat and getting stuck there. No air is getting in and none is getting out. It feels strange, like he's lost something desperately important, except there's something satisfying about _it_   not being there. So he looses himself in it, allowing his eyes to close momentarily and open back up more clouded than ever. Aaron starts to freak out a bit, definitely concerned about the lack of oxygen getting through Jay. He twitches and gapes like a fish out of water looking paler by the minute.

In the spur of the moment, Aaron does the only thing he can come up with. He bolts out of his seat, crawls over the miniature compartment and to the other side where his submissive lay. Aaron takes Jay's lower and upper back in his hands, presses him close and kisses him harder than he ever had before. All of his will and love, his desperate calling, all pushing and meshing together in this small gesture of affection hoping Jay will get the message. Thankfully it works a few moments in; a small pocket of pressure behind his teeth lets him know that Jay is breathing, or at least attempting to.

"I got it! I'm," Jay tries to give him a coherent sentence, but each wheezing breath makes it painful to do so. A few minutes in, however, everything is back in control. He plops back onto his seat and stares at Aaron for a while. "Thanks." he whispers, reaching over and hugging his built chest.  In response another kiss is shared, this time in relief.

"Let's get out of here." Aaron decides,  restarting the car and pulling back onto the street.

********

"Holy crap." Jay mutters, gaping at the massive bushes of green, purple, pink and white before him. He slips his phone from his jeans pocket and snaps a picture then shares an impressed look with Aaron. "How do they keep it this way?" With tons of experience killing plants more than keeping them alive, Jay's not sure how a person could have this much control in getting them to be ginormous  and so colorful. A garden this size must have taken a while to grow.

"It's cool huh?" The same appreciative look twinkles in Aaron's eyes as he runs his palm over leaves and rose petals. A few moments in he got lost with how each flower felt against his skin and became tempted to pluck one from its roots, but came to when Jay asked his question. "I'm not sure. Maybe some super awesome plant food." he mocks. He looks up at the large panels above them where the sunset can be seen peeking through the glass. Some clouds pass by, casting a shadow over the ground.

Jay makes a sour face. "Well this whole thing makes me jealous. How come they're able to grow plants and I can't?"

"Because plants hate you." Aaron says, a large grin plastered on his face "It's as simple as that, baby cakes."

"Oh, why is my dominant so mean!" Jay whines. He walks side by side with Aaron, leaning on him and admiring his jawline from below.

"Crap, I forgot. We need to go." Aaron rushes.

"Why? Where are we going?"

"Nowhere. Now listen up."

Jay ends his walk and turns to face him completely. "While we were in our hotel room I took out a pair of clothes and put them on the bed for you and some shoes. I want you to put on the entire outfit, no exceptions. Got it so far?" he nods his head. "When you're done I want you to text me and then I'll send you an address, so just meet me there." Aaron takes off jogging, not bothering to give a full explanation of his motives.

"You said you didn't have anything planned!" Jay  shouts. Now he's really confused, but loving the suspension at the same time. He rolls his eyes playfully and exits the garden, taking his sweet time to try and figure this whole ordeal out. This area isn't unfamiliar, in fact he's visited this side of San Francisco before but the address could be anywhere; a restaurant, movie theater, mall-

_"...and check out the bay area."_

A lightbulb goes off in Jay's head, thinking that he solved Aaron's little mystery. The elevator dings, reopening the doors and greeting him with his floor. Not moments later he's unlocking the door with his key card and plopping onto the bed, stripping quickly. He notices a stretchy pair of blue swim shorts with a white hoodie and sandals. But what he isn't expecting, is the large silver promise ring with his name engraved in it. He beams, more than excited, and slips it onto his finger. Once dressed he grabs the key card and texts Aaron, bolting down the hallway and into the elevator. Seconds later he responds:

_**Took you long enough. Meet me here -- >  2070 Sweet Honey road.** _

Jay decides to take a cab, not familiar with the street name. After fidgeting and biting his lip, nervous anticipation starts to build up as he exits the cab and pays the driver. In front of him lay a cheesecake factory and seafood place, in between them is an entrance to one of many bays in the area. Tugging his sleeves down, Jay goes with his instincts and walks toward the water.

Another breeze carries through small trees in the sand, sifting it every which way. As Jay bends down to take off his shoes, something hard and soft hits his shin.

A beach ball?

"Sorry about that! The thing just slipped out my hand." Rising up with the object in his hands, Jay smiles, immediately recognizing Aaron.

"It's fine. So what are we going to do?" he says. However, Aaron completely dodges the question.

"I was just playing with it for a bit and I guess I got carried away. One of my appointments is running late and the beach ball is all I had to keep me entertained, so..." He blushes and shies away, rubbing at his neck. "Sorry, that sounded pretty childish huh? Um, my name's Aaron. Yours?"

Still confused, but going on with it anyway, Jay relaxes and leans his weight toward his heel, attempting to look laid back. "Jay. And it wasn't childish or anything. Actually, my boyfriend is the most playful person I've met so...." he smirks.

Aaron doesn't seem fazed by this and inches closer. "It's nice to meet you. And I'm guessing that your boyfriend is younger than you?" The man's eyes glint  beautifully underneath the sun, his skin looking a bit pink.

Jay shakes his head. "No. He's older."

"Well he seems like a lucky man, whoever he is. You said your name is Jay right? Well that happens to be who I'm waiting on actually. It was probably him who set the appointment up; his voice was a lot deeper over the phone. A lot more manly..."

Scoffing, Jay asks, "What appointment are you talking about?" Aaron steps back, revealing a sleek, black jet ski. "He wants me to ride you around the bay."

"But I was supposed to meet him here." he hints. Apparently he ignited some sort of catalyst because Aaron's eyes hint at the recognition.

"It's only for me and you. Now come on, once it gets dark it'll be hard to drive." Not leaving room for argument, Aaron grasps Jay's hand and leads him toward the jet ski, plopping him in front and securing a life jacket over his torso after suggesting he shuck the sweatshirt somewhere. Feeling somewhat uncomfortable even though the man behind him is clearly his lover, Jay blushes.

"Hold on and don't let go okay?" A strange sound between a grunt and whine escapes Jay's lips when his body is pulled viscously against Aaron's from behind; the jet ski shoots out across the water and skims across the surface.

 His eyes bug out, not expecting to a feel an errection pressed against his lower back. "Holy crap." he rasps. For some reason it feels wrong, almost like the man behind him isn't Aaron and that this is a complete stranger taking him on a ride with no witnesess to support his departure. Not to mention his own arousal starting to become more prominent by the second. "I'm going to slow down now okay?!" Aaron shouts. Jay nods his head back, clutching the handles tighter. Gradually the vehicle decelerates, the wind no longer a barrage of air against his chest. Some of the mist from the sides sprays the two, its salty taste seeping into Jay's mouth.

"You're so silent. This isn't your cup of tea is it?" Aaron doesn't look disappointed, but his tone of voice is definitely suggesting something.

"It's not that I don't like it. And I'm not trying to be rude or anything but...it's kinda boring." he mutters, hanging his head. Why does he feel so bashful all of a sudden?

"I guess your boyfriend doesn't know you very well then." Aaron rubs against his back almost impatiently. "You could have a lot more fun with me you know." He growls low along his neck and into his ear.

"I could but," Jay shudders and rocks his hips back to meet Aaron's. He feels dirty doing this, like he's really cheating on his lover.

And damn is it exciting.

Sensing the same want, Aaron stops the jet completely.

It ignites from there, each person rocking back and forth against each other to pleasure and satisfy. Aaron runs his hands over Jay's naked chest, paying special attention to each peak of hardened skin towards the top. He sucks and nips his collarbone, reaching over to kiss his mouth.  While one hand lingers on his torso, the other creeps below and into Jay's treasure, inserting two fingers with lubed fingers. He pushes and pulls, pressing up onto the most sensitive spot of Jay's anatomy. A small whine escapes his lips, still rocking onto Aaron's hand and inserting his tongue to the back of his throat. Aaron groans in turn, pulling back and taking a small packet from the depths of his shorts. With no shame at all, Aaron takes his member out and wraps it around, pulling all the way down for full protection.

"What kind of guy just carries a condom around?" Jay smirks, mesmerized and wanting to feel him inside his body. Aaron chuckles, rocking his hips one last time against Jay's shorts before finally pulling them underneath his legs and cupping at his neck. As he eases in, the burly man twists and pulls Jay's nipples; the sensation brings a strange tingling, simultaneously swelling at the organ between his legs. It feels good, _extremely_ good.

And very erotic.

"Damn."  They breathe, enticed by each other's bodies. Skin rubbing against skin, burning hot pleasure sweeping through their veins and voiced through their moans. Just the pushing and pulling, along with the perfect setting as the sun begins to disappear and wind begins to go silent. It's just dominant and submissive in arms, paying attention to one another, setting an invisible connection. Aaron starts to rock faster and faster, kissing up Jay's back and squeezing around his middle. If he could stay in that moment forever then he would, because nothing in this world is more important than the man squirming beneath him. Jay makes him feel complete, gives him something to live for and look forward to seeing between busy schedules. That's why he wants to take the time to make love with Jay and reestablish the bonds that have started to unravel. With enough patience and love, he's sure that they can reattach to their strongest ability.

There's a twinkle behind his eyes as he hits a particularly tight spot deep inside; the muscle clenches beautifully around the base of his sex, a newly discovered treasure that needs to be under lock and key inside his head. "Ghg!" he grunts, starting to reach sky high. Deciding to switch positions, Aaron pulls out and flips Jay onto his back, laying across the handles. The younger man doesn't fuss or complain, too lost in a subspace of delicious high.

"Fuck!" he moans as Aaron bucks right into him. He grips the base of Jay's sex, tugging tightly from bottom to top over and over. When Aaron reaches the very top is where he feels the most pleasure, as if his dominant were sucking and pulling the pleasure up and out of him. His legs begin to shake and sweat, pre ejaculate dripping from the tip. It makes unholy sounds as the fluid squishes between Aaron's hand. Jay whimpers and begs for him to go harder, faster, but his dominant keeps at a steady pace with a few stutters in between.

"Please! Faster! Oh god-" he chokes, swallowing and trying to catch his breath. Aaron's arousal can be felt deeply, he can just feel every single movement inside and it's killing him in the most perfect way possible. The burning heat in his stomach starts to rise and rise, higher and higher like mercury in a thermometer. And Aaron can feel it too, the same heat and needy release. He leans forward and starts to lap at Jay's nipples, now fully risen and thick. A satisfying moan is heard from both parties as a small wave rocks the jet and changes Aaron's angle significantly.

He moves faster now, still sucking on Jay's chest and pumping his member between their bodies. Jay's breath quickens and he whimpers over and over, reaching his peak finally and shakes uncontrollably beneath his dominant. His muscles tense around Aaron's sex, igniting his heat and setting it ablaze, giving birth to a beautiful explosion. Aaron moans and stills his movements, emptying himself deep inside Jay's body; black dots swim in his vision as he holds his breath unconsciously. It takes a few moments for the two to finally come down from each other's high, feeling sated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: *blushes* So, I'm not very good with erotica, but I'll work on it. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Right after our little session, Aaron started driving us back to shore looking more loosened up than before; the stubble peppering around his chin looks less coarse, the wrinkles around his eyes no longer bunched up like a spring. Some of my release still lingers low above his shorts, but could otherwise be passed off as sea foam. And as for his behavior (not that it's changed) he seems likely to maul me into a thousand pieces a second time. A hungry look still lingers behind his eyes, wanting to dominate and rip away from its chains; it (he) is still sex craved. But I don't think my body can handle any more than one round for today. Already I can feel my muscles starting to clench uncomfortably and with my legs in horseback, the position isn't making them feel any better.

I fidget, scooting closer towards the handle where the seats are less wide. Behind me I can feel Aaron smirk, undoubtedly pleased with his results, and he slides one hand over my back while tracing tan lines from my awkward position on the jet earlier. I smile, reminding myself that Aaron's sex drive could never be compared with stamina, only desire, and that right now his desire is me. A piece of my conscience loves the attention, craves it too,  but sometimes it gets overbearing with his constant serenading and touching. When I was younger I was like that too, so small and awkward and not exactly 'out there' like most kids. Communication was hard, but just being around a person could give me a smile that lasted for days. I'd say touch is the only thing I'm not used to yet.

I nuzzle into him anyway, drinking up every sensation of his coarse hands and hollow scoop of his palm. The water dashes alongside us in streams of white and grey and sprays me a little, setting coolness to the heat of my skin. My ring glints in the sunlight and catches my eye, as did Aaron I'm guessing because he moves his hand from my back and slides it up to my neck, into my hair and he tugs a little. He likes to do this often when we're relaxing or laying in bed together, sometimes while cooking if his house maids aren't in. And his gesture may seem cliché to most people but just like his kisses they hold some type of secret message or feeling; this happens to feel tranquilizing and often puts me between subspace and reality; it's a different awareness that I don't often explore.

Soon enough the shoreline comes into view and Aaron speeds up the last couple of feet, closing in and parking where he had it last. As he helps me off the jet ski, I wince as my muscles cramp tightly from sitting for so long, plus our other activities. Beside me Aaron snickers, covering his mouth with his hand and tilting his head away from me. I chew my lip and glare, lips quivering and threatening to give out. Finally I combust and laugh aloud, my body tilting and forehead hitting his chest. My entire body shakes and I can't believe that I'm laughing at my own pain. Then again, he got me pretty good earlier and laughter is infectious.

"You're such an ass." I mumble.

"My ass isn't the one sore here." he retorts, pulling me close and walking us over to where I threw my sweatshirt. He spares me the trouble by picking it up for me and slides it over his torso; strangely, the clothing fits him despite it being mine.

"Well you're going to fix this little problem when we get back to the room, sir."  I emphasize.

"Well luckily some of the things I packed will put you right to sleep. But before we go back to the room let's get food because I'm starving."

"Wait you planned this," I gesture my hand around, "whole thing?"

"Yeah. Since I have you now I thought it would be a good idea to relax somewhere away from home." I wait for him to elaborate more.  "And you know, try new things we haven't done before. Like our scene earlier and sex on the jet ski." The sand path ends abruptly like the edge of a cliff. Now back on mainland, we pull to the right and head into Cheesecake Factory.

"What's a scene?" My stomach growls audibly as we step into the restaurant, now completely surrounded by people and mouth watering delicacies. Heart fluttering, I grab onto his hand and blush, deciding to talk about it later.

What?

"What'd you say?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows and glancing briefly into his eyes. One of the waitresses asks us how many, guiding us toward an unoccupied table. Just as we sit down, I prepare to re ask my question, but Aaron beats me to it.

"I said 'maybe even food sex.'" he smirks. Even though I said my body couldn't take anymore, another half of myself seems to think otherwise. Just thinking about Aaron treating my body like a piece of candy or a cold summer treat sets everything ablaze. Closing my mouth I clear my throat and cross my legs to prevent suspicion.

"Tonight?" I squeak.

"Another time. We still have a few things to talk about." The layered foreshadowing beneath his voice causes me to sigh, all excitement lost. He scoots closer to the table. "Look, Jay." Aaron struggles to find his words. "I'm not saying that what you're doing is a waste of time but, taking care of yourself should come before everything else, _including_   Gabbie. You're tired, haven't slept or ate....When's the last time work wasn't the first thing on your mind?" All of his normal humor has suddenly dissipated and replaced with graduating seriousness.

Just as I speak up the waitress comes back and asks for our orders. Aaron decides for both me and him, seeing as he knows the menu well and that I haven't looked at it once.  As she leaves we resume our conversation.

"Work has always been my first priority Aaron, you just haven't paid enough attention to notice."

Silence....

"Well how do you think this affects me? Do you think I like seeing you have panic attacks or crying like you were diagnosed with cancer? Kindness is one thing but the person giving it can change over time, Jay. Gabbie isn't going anywhere, but I feel like _you_ are and my patience is running thin with this whole thing." I bite my tongue, ashamed. "Hold up your right hand." Once again Aaron changes tone, from peeved to gentle. I lift my hand and lay it onto the table, looking deeply into his eyes.

Aaron thumbs the ring, running his fingers over my engraved name and looking at it with adoration and a hint of regret. "I bought you a promise ring because-"

I startle as two plates clink onto the hard wood, filled with golden fish and chips as well as chocolate cheesecake for dessert. "Thank you." I say, as the waitress hands us our drinks and folds up her mini table, carrying it back to her station. One sniff is all it takes for me to start feasting, but still keeping my manners in check. I suddenly remember Aaron sitting across from me and look at him expecting for his statement to finish.

"I want you to eat first."

"It's not like I'm anorexic or anything, you know I'll finish." I retort. For some reason I just feel defensive of myself, like everything I've practiced and learned was just thrown back in my face and called worthless. My body slumps, remembering mom's behavior and how she must feel after I told her those nasty things back then.

Well, empathy is a bitch.

Aaron ignores me, eating his own meal loosesly like what we have to discuss isn't important; a promise ring isn't something to understate, if anything I'd say that the small piece of silver could affect a big part of our lives. But should we really be talking about marriage now? Is he ready?

Am _I_ ready?

The rest of our dinner passes with unweighted tension, the both of us itching to say something but keeping it bottled up to prevent a mass explosion in the middle of the restaurant. My food disappears little by little, eventually disappearing and settling in my stomach like a ball of led; although the quality was good, I might have gone overboard by finishing the entire plate. Now I feel like I shouldn't move for fear of throwing everything back up. Aaron seems to have finished everything himslef but, just like earlier, completely unsatisfied. He wipes his mouth with a napkin and waves the waitress over, paying for the bill as she lay it on the table. Once again I thank her as she leaves.

"If you're up to it we could stay another day at the hotel and do more things tomorrow."

'Up to it' meaning 'after our talk you may not like me' in his language. I shrug, not completely sure, and lean onto his side like earlier as we exit the place and into the open. A strong wind whips my hair and chills my partly wet limbs, causing me to shiver and nuzzle closer. More silence ensues during the cab ride through town and once again up the elevator to our room; as the door clicks open we're welcomed to a modernized den, with a large king bed past another walkway. He walks me into the chamber and lay me on the bed, grabbing his travel bag and digging through its contents for a pair of pajamas and toiletries, humming a song as he moves.

"I'm going to prep a few things but you can get ready for bed." he says, leaving no room for argument. I comply and head for the bathroom, toothbrush and pajamas in hand.

Just one coversation that set this whole date to hell and it's completely my fault. I'm glad he can't see  past the door, all of my insecurities about this would've definately bled through into his conscience if it weren't for the piece of wood separating me and him. Just one look into my eyes and I'm sure he could guess what I'm regressing to.

The water drips heavily into the sink, dying down to tiny droplets as I finish up. Now slightly awake and less nauseous, I rub my eyes a couple times, flick off the light, and stalk out the bathroom.

Aaron is nowhere to be seen in the dim light. "Where'd you go?" I say audibly.

"In here." Aaron's voice carries from the den, sounding calm and patient. Like a lamb to the slaughter I hang my head and shrug my way over to him, sliding against the walls and peeking my head through the corridor. My lover, dressed in a clad shirt and pajama shorts, waves me over to the couch where an array of bottles sit along its coffee table.

Crunching my toes and flexing them back again, I pad over to the couch and sit next to my dominant. Aaron eyes me over, shifting on the couch. "Kneel."

His command is so sudden that I struggle to follow the one simple direction. Hesitating, I drop onto my knees and assume submissive position, parting my legs a bit and keeping my back straight, hands clasped low above my boxers. I make sure to keep my head down and breathing even.

Moments pass by without Aaron uttering a word to me, almost as if he's frozen in time. But everything is calm, it's peaceful and quiet save for late night traffic. A faint humming of the heater can be heard as obvious as a mosquito in your ear; the noise peeves me a bit but eventually it evens out in the background. I breathe in and out deeply, body becoming relaxed and heavy; my shoulders sag, pulling my eyes shut. Once again, I've been put in this subspace, this dreamland, where I know that my body is awake but not completely conscious either; Aaron's hand hasn't found it's path toward my head yet or made any attempt to communicate at all, but for some reason I'm glad for it. His silence and this atmosphere puts my mind at ease. Fragrances of vanilla and spice keep me grounded. My breaths expel one knot of tension after the other, although no massage has been given. Everything is perfect right now and I love it. I love Aaron and I love the relationship we share. I love everything he's done for me and I love that I've grown so attached to him that we're able to have sex and share our feelings, growing stronger after every touch and expression.

I love this man.

"Look up, Jay." My mind barely registers what my body is doing before I tilt my head up and gaze between Aaron's glassy eyes. He looks the same way I feel, posture more relaxed and eyes blinking slowly. I guess the few minutes of meditation were something we both needed for some time now.

And the sex.

"Lay on the couch, belly down." he hums. The plush fabric indents as I press my palms onto it to steady me up and over the edge, relaxing as I lay my body down.

 


	5. Chapter 2

**Jay**

"Jay!" My thoughts are startled as I'm snapped back into reality. I blink my eyes a few times and sigh, sinking into the car seat. Aaron is staring right at me, hands resting in his lap.

"Yes sir?" I ask. I can see that we're parked in his driveway, which means that we're home. He chews the inside of his cheek, pondering for a moment. That's when I realize he probably asked me a question but I wasn't paying attention. Again. I blame the early summer heat for dulling my reasoning to even care; my whole body just feels so heavy and  clouded that it's hard to think straight.

 Inhaling and shutting my eyes, I try to release the tension residing behind them. After a few moments of silence I ask, "What were you saying?", and look at my lap, ashamed but too tired to acknowledge my mistake.

**Aaron**

For all the times that I've seen Jay tired, I don't think it's been this bad. His skin looks to have taken on a red tone and his eyes look flushed, with dark circles underneath them. Not to mention that his self awareness has dropped significantly and hit rock bottom. Right off the bat I know that Jay hasn't been taking care of himself like he's promised. Just like he _promised_ to let me know if life became too much for him. When is he going to stop being so stubborn?

When is he going to learn to trust me?

Rubbing my eyes wearily, I come up with a set of tasks for my pet to complete while I think of how to solve this problem. There needs to be a few changes in our relationship or this won't work at all. Setting my jaw, I speak, "Once we're inside I want you to go into the kitchen and grab some fruit and water. Make sure you eat the whole thing. Then I want you to meet me upstairs in our bedroom fully undressed and in confessional position. Am I clear?" He nods his head stiffly, wincing but trying to cover it up. I notice it anyway and decide to talk about that once we're settled. Jay unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out the car, shutting the door.

Passing all of his classes, taking care of Gabbie...all of that stress is probably getting to him by now. And to be honest, I'm surprised that the fatigue has taken this long to start showing. Well, I guess I can use this to my advantage, no matter how cruel it sounds, and start babying him a little.

Once I lecture him first.

Thoroughly.

**Jay**

After completing the set of tasks Aaron gave me, I wait upstairs in our shared bedroom at the end of the footboard, torso between my knees and arms above my head. This is what it means to be in confessional position, something that I've tried to avoid to be in since the debut of our relationship.

I absolutely hate it.

Just to remember Aaron putting me in this  position sends a powerful chill down my spine. I felt exposed and vulnerable because I wasn't able to _look_ at him, or touch him in any way. The only thing I was left with was the burning scent of floor polish and cool air on my back while my perfect dominant stared down at me from above. He made me stay there for a few minutes to remember the feeling, granting me permission to kiss him a thousand times over after we were done.

Gritting my teeth, I swallow thickly and wish that I skipped eating so it wouldn't feel like stone at the pit of my stomach. How many minutes has it been since exiting the car? What is he doing downstairs?

Page after page of scenarios fill every little blank space of my mental diary. Just ink sprawled phrases that spell out my demise and self hatred. But beneath all of that is a little bit of annoyance, some cockiness, and displeasure with how things are going. First that run in with mom the other day and then this goddamned headache. And then actually agreeing to stay the night here....

I freeze, scarred of myself and what I might say after that. To keep myself at bay, I bite back my vanity.

There's a click behind me and I hear a set of shoes walking towards my body.

**Aaron**

Opening the door, my heart leaps as my eyes land on Jay's body. Even if he looks tired, Jay can always find a way to look absolutely perfect and graceful doing pretty much anything.

_"He's definitely a keeper."_

Shaking my head, I clear my thoughts to focus solely on my submissive; whatever is going on in that complicated brain of his, it needs to come out whether he screams or paints it over his chest for the world to see.

His body tenses as I advance forward, only relaxing when I dip onto the bed. After a few moments, I start our _much needed_ conversation. "Talk. Now."

 

**Author's note: Sorry for the short chapter. I hope you enjoyed it anyway!**

**Vote, comment, and subscribe please!!!!**

**Love, OtakuDreams**


	6. Aftercare

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtBwyzURqzs> (Play Dis)

Right after our little session, Aaron started driving us back to shore looking more loosened up than before; the stubble peppering around his chin looks less coarse, the wrinkles around his eyes no longer bunched up like a spring. Some of my release still lingers low above his shorts, but could otherwise be passed off as sea foam. And as for his behavior (not that it's changed) he seems likely to maul me into a thousand pieces a second time. A hungry look still lingers behind his eyes, wanting to dominate and rip away from its chains; it (he) is still sex craved. But I don't think my body can handle any more than one round for today. Already I can feel my muscles starting to clench uncomfortably and with my legs in horseback, the position isn't making them feel any better.

I fidget, scooting closer towards the handle where the seats are less wide. Behind me I can feel Aaron smirk, undoubtedly pleased with his results, and he slides one hand over my back while tracing tan lines from my awkward position on the jet earlier. I smile, reminding myself that Aaron's sex drive could never be compared with stamina, only desire, and that right now his desire is me. A piece of my conscience loves the attention, craves it too, but sometimes it gets overbearing with his constant serenading and touching. When I was younger I was like that too, so small and awkward and not exactly 'out there' like most kids. Communication was hard, but just being around a person could give me a smile that lasted for days. I'd say touch is the only thing I'm not used to yet.

I nuzzle into him anyway, drinking up every sensation of his coarse hands and hollow scoop of his palm. The water dashes alongside us in streams of white and grey and sprays me a little, setting coolness to the heat of my skin. My ring glints in the sunlight and catches my eye, as did Aaron I'm guessing because he moves his hand from my back and slides it up to my neck, into my hair and he tugs a little. He likes to do this often when we're relaxing or laying in bed together, sometimes while cooking if his house maids aren't in. And his gesture may seem cliché to most people but just like his kisses they hold some type of secret message or feeling; this happens to feel tranquilizing and often puts me between subspace and reality; it's a different awareness that I don't often explore.

Soon enough the shoreline comes into view and Aaron speeds up the last couple of feet, closing in and parking where he had it last. As he helps me off the jet ski, I wince as my muscles cramp tightly from sitting for so long, plus our other activities. Beside me Aaron snickers, covering his mouth with his hand and tilting his head away from me. I chew my lip and glare, lips quivering and threatening to give out. Finally I combust and laugh aloud, my body tilting and forehead hitting his chest. My entire body shakes and I can't believe that I'm laughing at my own pain. Then again, he got me pretty good earlier and laughter is infectious.

"You're such an ass." I mumble.

"My ass isn't the one sore here." he retorts, pulling me close and walking us over to where I threw my sweatshirt. He spares me the trouble by picking it up for me and slides it over his torso; strangely, the clothing fits him despite it being mine.

"Well you're going to fix this little problem when we get back to the room, sir." I emphasize.

"Well luckily some of the things I packed will put you right to sleep. But before we go back to the room let's get food because I'm starving."

"Wait you planned this," I gesture my hand around, "whole thing?"

"Yeah. Since I have you now I thought it would be a good idea to relax somewhere away from home." I wait for him to elaborate more. "And you know, try new things we haven't done before. Like our scene earlier and sex on the jet ski." The sand path ends abruptly like the edge of a cliff. Now back on mainland, we pull to the right and head into Cheesecake Factory.

"What's a scene?" My stomach growls audibly as we step into the restaurant, now completely surrounded by people and mouth watering delicacies. Heart fluttering, I grab onto his hand and blush, deciding to talk about it later.

What?

"What'd you say?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows and glancing briefly into his eyes. One of the waitresses asks us how many, guiding us toward an unoccupied table. Just as we sit down, I prepare to re ask my question, but Aaron beats me to it.

"I said 'maybe even food sex.'" he smirks. Even though I said my body couldn't take anymore, another half of myself seems to think otherwise. Just thinking about Aaron treating my body like a piece of candy or a cold summer treat sets everything ablaze. Closing my mouth I clear my throat and cross my legs to prevent suspicion.

"Tonight?" I squeak.

"Another time. We still have a few things to talk about." The layered foreshadowing beneath his voice causes me to sigh, all excitement lost. He scoots closer to the table. "Look, Jay." Aaron struggles to find his words. "I'm not saying that what you're doing is a waste of time but, taking care of yourself should come before everything else, _including_ Gabbie. You're tired, haven't slept or ate....When's the last time work wasn't the first thing on your mind?" All of his normal humor has suddenly dissipated and replaced with graduating seriousness.

Just as I speak up the waitress comes back and asks for our orders. Aaron decides for both me and him, seeing as he knows the menu well and that I haven't looked at it once. As she leaves we resume our conversation.

"Work has always been my first priority Aaron, you just haven't paid enough attention to notice."

Silence....

"Well how do you think this affects me? Do you think I like seeing you have panic attacks or crying like you were diagnosed with cancer? Kindness is one thing but the person giving it can change over time, Jay. Gabbie isn't going anywhere, but I feel like _you_ are and my patience is running thin with this whole thing." I bite my tongue, ashamed. "Hold up your right hand." Once again Aaron changes tone, from peeved to gentle. I lift my hand and lay it onto the table, looking deeply into his eyes.

Aaron thumbs the ring, running his fingers over my engraved name and looking at it with adoration and a hint of regret. "I bought you a promise ring because-"

I startle as two plates clink onto the hard wood, filled with golden fish and chips as well as chocolate cheesecake for dessert. "Thank you." I say, as the waitress hands us our drinks and folds up her mini table, carrying it back to her station. One sniff is all it takes for me to start feasting, but still keeping my manners in check. I suddenly remember Aaron sitting across from me and look at him expecting for his statement to finish.

"I want you to eat first."

"It's not like I'm anorexic or anything, you know I'll finish." I retort. For some reason I just feel defensive of myself, like everything I've practiced and learned was just thrown back in my face and called worthless. My body slumps, remembering mom's behavior and how she must feel after I told her those nasty things back then.

Well, empathy is a bitch.

Aaron ignores me, eating his own meal loosely like what we have to discuss isn't important; a promise ring isn't something to understate, if anything I'd say that the small piece of silver could affect a big part of our lives. But should we really be talking about marriage now? Is he ready?

Am _I_ ready?

The rest of our dinner passes with unweighted tension, the both of us itching to say something but keeping it bottled up to prevent a mass explosion in the middle of the restaurant. My food disappears little by little, eventually disappearing and settling in my stomach like a ball of led; although the quality was good, I might have gone overboard by finishing the entire plate. Now I feel like I shouldn't move for fear of throwing everything back up. Aaron seems to have finished everything himself but, just like earlier, completely unsatisfied. He wipes his mouth with a napkin and waves the waitress over, paying for the bill as she lay it on the table. Once again I thank her as she leaves.

"If you're up to it we could stay another day at the hotel and do more things tomorrow."

'Up to it' meaning 'after our talk you may not like me' in his language. I shrug, not completely sure, and lean onto his side like earlier as we exit the place and into the open. A strong wind whips my hair and chills my partly wet limbs, causing me to shiver and nuzzle closer. More silence ensues during the cab ride through town and once again up the elevator to our room; as the door clicks open we're welcomed to a modernized den, with a large king bed past another walkway. He walks me into the chamber and lay me on the bed, grabbing his travel bag and digging through its contents for a pair of pajamas and toiletries, humming a song as he moves.

"I'm going to prep a few things but you can get ready for bed." he says, leaving no room for argument. I comply and head for the bathroom, toothbrush and pajamas in hand.

Just one conversation that set this whole date to hell and it's completely my fault. I'm glad he can't see past the door, all of my insecurities about this would've definitely bled through into his conscience if it weren't for the piece of wood separating me and him. Just one look into my eyes and I'm sure he could guess what I'm regressing to.

The water drips heavily into the sink, dying down to tiny droplets as I finish up. Now slightly awake and less nauseous, I rub my eyes a couple times, flick off the light, and stalk out the bathroom.

Aaron is nowhere to be seen in the dim light. "Where'd you go?" I say audibly.

"In here." Aaron's voice carries from the den, sounding calm and patient. Like a lamb to the slaughter I hang my head and shrug my way over to him, sliding against the walls and peeking my head through the corridor. My lover, dressed in a clad shirt and pajama shorts, waves me over to the couch where an array of bottles sit along its coffee table.

Crunching my toes and flexing them back again, I pad over to the couch and sit next to my dominant. Aaron eyes me over, shifting on the couch. "Kneel."

His command is so sudden that I struggle to follow the one simple direction. Hesitating, I drop onto my knees and assume submissive position, parting my legs a bit and keeping my back straight, hands clasped low above my boxers. I make sure to keep my head down and breathing even.

Moments pass by without Aaron uttering a word to me, almost as if he's frozen in time. But everything is calm, it's peaceful and quiet save for late night traffic. A faint humming of the heater can be heard as obvious as a mosquito in your ear; the noise peeves me a bit but eventually it evens out in the background. I breathe in and out deeply, body becoming relaxed and heavy; my shoulders sag, pulling my eyes shut. Once again, I've been put in this subspace, this dreamland, where I know that my body is awake but not completely conscious either; Aaron's hand hasn't found it's path toward my head yet or made any attempt to communicate at all, but for some reason I'm glad for it. His silence and this atmosphere puts my mind at ease. Fragrances of vanilla and spice keep me grounded. My breaths expel one knot of tension after the other, although no massage has been given. Everything is perfect right now and I love it. I love Aaron and I love the relationship we share. I love everything he's done for me and I love that I've grown so attached to him that we're able to have sex and share our feelings, growing stronger after every touch and expression.

I love this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided that I'll update this story every Friday with one long chapter. Im not sure how many words it'll be, maybe somewhere around 3000-4000 so I can keep you guys busy while I'm brainstorming.
> 
> As for my other one, I'll update one short chapter on Monday and the other Sunday, if you're following my other account.
> 
> Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it!
> 
> Love,  
> OtakuDreams


	7. Wakeup Call

I wake up with the sun glinting fiercely in my eyes and a marshmallow scented arm around my neck. I roll over, snuggling closer to Aaron's chest. After a few moments I shake him a few times around his torso. "Can you close the curtains?" I mumble. He grunts, showing he heard me, but clearly too lazy to get up.

"Please?" I beg, nipping at his neck.

"What time is it?" he rasps. I shuffle for my phone underneath the pillows, finally opening my eyes when I can't feel it.

"I can't find my phone." Suddenly, Gabbie comes to mind and I bolt up, ripping at the sheets and pillows, nearly knocking Aaron over in the process. When I can't find it on my side I settle for moving the giant rock I call my dominant/boyfriend over so I can look. My nerves spike to the roof when it's not underneath him either. "Aaron, help me find it!" I squeak. The bed shifts on the other side and Aaron stretches, a few bones popping in the process. He sighs dramatically and drops to the floor, probably looking underneath the bed. Meanwhile, my eyes drift to the bedside table; nothing in the drawers either.

"Found it." Like a cat, I pounce onto him and grab the device from his clutches. The screen lights up with my usual lock screen as I wake it; **no new messages or calls** it reads. I sigh, slightly disappointed but relieved at the same time. Beneath me, Aaron squirms and rubs at his eyes.

"Good morning to you too." he says sarcastically.  He sits up and hugs me to his chest, scooting us up on the bedside. I open my mouth to speak but he covers it with his hand and shakes his head. "How do you feel?"

A blush automatically creeps up my cheeks as I remember last night's...session. By miracle, nothing feels sore at all this morning. "Awesome." I smile. He runs his hands through my hair.

"Are you okay with what we talked about?"

"Somewhat, but I understand where you were coming from. I'm sorry that I got you so worked up." We had a pretty tiresome conversation during aftercare; we talked about the promise ring and how it'll play into our relationship too, which had been a little scary. It turns out, he doesn't want to get married yet, but the ring, now placed around my neck, will play into our lifestyle, although he hasn't said 'how' yet. Following our talk came some much needed discipline (spanking) where I felt my butt go ablaze after a few strikes. I may not believe in physical corrections, but something about being pinned over his knee and forced to take it was somewhat of a turn on to me; not only that, but I realized how unstable I really was last night.

"Well now that I'm awake, let's eat something." I bite my lip and try to hold back laughter, clutching at his shirt in fists and shaking slightly.

"Sorry about that." I chuckle. Aaron pinches my ass but smiles nonetheless and picks me up, body still cradled in his arms. "Can we order in?" I ask.

"Yeah, no problem." Aaron plops me on the couch, fabric also smelling faintly of marshmallows, and picks up the phone on the glass table. "French toast?"

I nod eagerly, mouth watering.

* * *

 

"So it seems like we're grounded again." I look up at Aaron from where I sit, perched on his shoulder.

"What do you mean?" I ask, snuggling closer into his neck.

"I mean that we finally smoothed things over that clearly needed discussion." He shifts slightly and looks down at me, eyes darkening with sudden lust. "However," Aaron thumbs the ring looped around my neck, "I'm changing a few things. Kneel!" he snarls. I comply immediately, heart thumping in my chest and adrenaline sending a delicious light headed feeling through my veins. I sit patiently, awaiting for directions. Aaron swings his legs over the couch and rises to full height. He circles around my body, poking and prodding occasionally; a thorough examination of me it seems. I try to anticipate his next movement when his hands comb through my hair and slide down towards my forehead; I tilt my chin, expecting him to look around my visage next, only to be rewarded with a harsh slap to the butt swiftly. I jump, startled, and nearly look into his eyes before I reconsider and keep my head down.

"Don't anticipate anything. Trust your dominant, Jay." he scolds.

"Lay on the couch, belly down."  The plush fabric indents as I press my palms onto it to steady me up and over the edge, relaxing as I lay my body down. I hear the 'pop' of a cap disengaging, then a gurgle of liquid rushing out. For a moment his weight disappears from the couch but reappears on my lower back. His knees squeeze my sides and hold me in place, soft fabric hugging my skin and a slight giggle escaping my lips. He knows I'm ticklish there and if I weren't so relaxed then I probably would've kicked his face in.

I sigh as he starts with my neck and kneads there thoroughly. "Breathe." he commands. I inhale once more and release everything slowly.

My breath comes in pants,  mind truly disoriented and on a blissful high. My body is hot, sweaty, and I can feel a slight cramp in my hips; I lay across the sofa  with my legs parted and feet planted on the floor. Aaron works his fingers up my thighs and teasingly towards where I want him to touch me most, eyes drinking up every inch of skin he lay his hands on. As he reaches closer and closer, the heat in my hips rises even higher and pulls the breath out of me along with it.

Finally, as I've so desperately craved, his fingers circle around my entrance; my back arches slightly, trying to get as much contact as possible. 


	8. Take Him Down

 

****

Steam and mist, a torrent of water beating down his body; the perfect getaway from what's beyond the door. An escape _(a haven)._ Shaky hands as he reaches down to wash between his thighs; his powerful want and need that would gratify him the upmost of pleasure and leave him panting, just breathless and craving for more. _Damn him_ , Jay curses. No matter how much he craves what he wants, he supposes that pleasure is best shared with two persons rather than one. Still, there is a longing _(a hunger)_ for hands to touch him the way no one else dares. It's an annoying situation to be stuck in, but....

A few days after their unplanned trip, Jay is starting to feel the reassurance that being in a relationship is safe. He doesn't feel like a wound up ball of stress and worry, doesn't feel it weighting down his limbs anymore, or at least it's less frequent. The late Sunday that they had returned back to their respective zip codes, the couple shared a long and heated kiss; Jay had been very reluctant to exit the car after that. And he can still feel it, can still feel the slight tingling on his lips and the burning imprint left from a caress behind his neck. Even as he washes down in the shower, Aaron's touch reigns as the hottest feeling on Jay's body.

As he finishes up in the shower, Jay makes sure to put away his shampoos and scrubs to replace them with the kid friendly bath bubble set. Then, he shuts off the water and towels down, padding quickly into his room, a chilling bite whipping harshly at his skin. Just as he enters his chamber, the dark haired boy's phone chimes, signaling a new message.

 **Can I stop by today?** it reads. A simple question, a tricky answer. Unsure of who the sender is, Jay replies with a quick message:

 **Sorry, I think you have the wrong number**. Nonetheless, a new message bubble pops up on the screen despite his warning.

 **It's Aaron. I got a new phone the other day and switched numbers. Sorry about that**. Without thinking, Jay sends his next reply, already craving the man's touch once more.

**Classes were canceled again so come by any time.**

**Okay. See you in a few.**

_A few what? Hours?_ Jay wonders. He snaps out of his thoughts however when he hears a loud bang coming from down the hall. Throwing on a pair of shorts and a shirt, Jay swings his door open in a heartbeat and races down the hall into Gabbie's room. He can hear wailing and crying just before him.

"Gabbie?" he panics, wincing slightly at the neon pink Lego wedged into his heel. In a corner he can spot two blond pigtails sticking to an innocent face. As Jay looks around for the problem, he spots her bookshelf toppled over on the ground, shattered into pieces. Immediately, the dark haired boy skips over books and toys and into the corner where an angelic fay lay drenched in tears. He takes the time to sooth the young girl, needing for her to calm down before checking for injuries on her body. "It's okay Gabbie. Just an accident alright? How about you take a large breath for me? That's it, there you go." Gradually, the pigtailed princess sobers up; a hitched flow of tears still cascading down plump cheeks, other bodily fluids leaking from her nose and leaving the flesh pink. Suddenly, a rage both savage and unexpected takes Jay by surprise as his sibling stomps her feet in frustration. She hollers and shouts, shaking her arms as wild as a chimpanzee warding off by passers. Jay grabs hold of her fists before she hurts herself and pulls the little girl into an embrace to calm her racing heart. Her body quakes with shivers; the shock is still coursing through her. Tears are wiped from her face soothingly with the elder's forearm.

"What the hell happened in here?" Christina, or Chris for short, enters the greenish room, hand gripping the door frame and an icy glare sent to both parties. Between napping and thumbing her way through business articles, the woman has been in a foul mood the entire day; below her chest, evidence of liquor staining white material. She had been in the middle of cleaning the stain until a monstrous crash was heard from below the floor; not long after that, an annoying screeching sound that pierced her skull and left the woman wanting to cry herself. She breathed through her nose, patiently, and waited for the noise to stop. But when it didn't her anger flared once more; low and behold her grand appearance in the little girl's room.

When no one answers, the woman steps forward menacingly, her heels cracking a toy of Gabbie's. The infant's eyes bug out of her sockets and she wails once more, only louder, and she flails her arms savagely in a rough struggle against Jay's grip.

"That was unnecessary. Please leave, I'm tacking care of it." 'It', meaning the book case laying shattered in a distance away from the pair.

"Like hell I will!" the woman hollers back, her eyes landing on a precious artifact now broken and beat up. "Do you know how important that case is to me? That was _Harry's_!"

"It wasn't her fault, she didn't mean it!" Jay screeches back, frustrated at how nasty this afternoon has turned out to be and frustrated that his mother is being reckless without thinking.... Jay's eyes nearly pop out of his sockets as he realizes how loud he screamed into Gabbie's ears. Christina isn't the only one being careless today. "Please, just go. Let me take care of this." he pleads. The woman lets out a noise similar to a teapot shrieking and pounds her fist into the wall on her way out, scaring the little girl further.

"My God, Gabbie, I'm so sorry. I'm not mad at you okay?"

"Mommy is,"

"Is upset, I know. That bookcase was very important to her." Jay stands slowly, Gabbie in arms, and cautiously steps over splintered pieces of wood and plastic toys once more. Before he crosses the border between the room and hallway, Jay picks up the toy pony, its legs now popping out of the sockets and neck bent at a horrible angle. His attempted smile falters as he realizes that this particular object cannot be fixed. He feels sick and tired and frustrated and he needs to get out of the house as soon as possible. Forget the bookcase, Jay is just scared that his mother might try something to hurt Gabbie...again.

Speaking of, the woman is oddly quiet, and that's both concerning and relieving to the boy. _Less crap I have to worry about,_ he thinks. Putting on his bravest face, Jay stalks down the hallway and back into the safety of his room to call Aaron. He sets the angel down on the bed, gives her his Rubik cube, and searches for his phone, only to find it shattered in pieces on the opposite side of his night stand. He bites his lip, angry tears threatening to fall. "Let's go for a walk Gabbie." he whispers. The little girl, although not completely aware of the situation, can sense distress coming from her older brother; she hops off the bed with a thud and wraps her arms around the dark haired boy's knees. Her angelic face nuzzles into his skin, squeezing all of her love over the area of flesh and bone.

He bends down precariously on shaky legs and pulls her in fully. "Thanks. I appreciate that." He huffs a breath. "A lot."

A few minutes later, Jay is redressed in something a bit less revealing. A pair of faded jeans, a loose red shirt and grey flannel, matched with white high tops. He scoops Gabbie up again, although she is more than capable of walking, and heads downstairs to the door. After picking up the shoes from the mat, he secures some sandals to her feet and walks out the exit.

_Is it safe to stay here any more?_

A tugging at his shirt snaps Jay out of his mental debate; he brings himself back to the present, head down, and stomps down the steps away from home. Another tugging at his shirt.

"What is it baby girl?" Gabbie points to a man dressed in grey athletic shorts and a black t shirt. A man who looks ominous, but feels friendly. A much needed sigh of relief escapes Jay's lips and he bolts across the yard into Aaron's arms, Gabbie still secured against his side. Aaron oomphs, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

"Were you about to leave? I thought you weren't busy. And hey, princess." The tall man rubs his lover's back soothingly, feeling hot breaths strain against his shirt. He glances at the little girl, Gabbie, in Jay's arms. When the younger being doesn't talk after a while, Aaron frowns. "Babe?" he croons.

"Can you drive us to your place?" Jay pleads. He looks like he's on the verge of having a panic attack, with his breaths coming in small pants and fingers twitching excessively at his sides.

"Yeah. Come on, let's get in the car."

"Wait! Uh, she needs her car seat. Hold her for a second please." Although reluctant to let go, Jay hands Gabbie over to Aaron and pulls his keys out of his pockets, running back up the yard and into the garage. Meanwhile, Aaron stands in the same place a bit awkwardly and entertains the little girl by playing with her pigtails; once Jay comes back the plastic chair dangling from his hand, both parties escape to Aaron's black Lexus and onto the main road.

"Jay, calm down."

"I know, I'm trying!" he growls.

"It's not enough. Now change that attitude of yours and take deep breaths. When you're calm then start talking." The man clicks his signal to turn. Deep breathing can be heard from the side of him.

"Okay, I'm alright now." Jay sighs. "We, I, had some trouble with my mom a bit earlier and I wanted to get Gabbie out for a while."

"A little more specific please." Jay shifts his attention to the backseat for a moment; Gabbie is sound asleep, the sun reflecting golden rays onto her skin.

"I was taking a shower and when I got out I heard a really loud bang, almost like a thump. The noise came from Gabbie's room and I was scared that she hurt herself so I panicked and ran into her room; she was in the corner and crying because the bookshelf had toppled over and scared her I guess. We were fine and I was about to clean the mess up but then my mom walked in and..." he takes a shuddering breath, "she wasn't very happy to see an object of my dad's, broken up into pieces on the floor of her daughter's room. We argued for a little bit and she made Gabbie upset and...." Aaron decides that there is more to the story than Jay's letting on but decides to let the topic slide, or at least until they get to the house.

"How come you didn't call me?" Aaron rubs his hand over Jay's thigh to comfort him. An appreciative glance is given.

"She broke my phone. Honestly, I don't think that it can be fixed."

"Does your mom get angry often?" Once again, a question goes unanswered, adding to the list of things Jay hasn't given the full truth of. "Is she a danger to you?" Jay shrugs. Sighing, Aaron pulls over onto the sidewalk of his apartment complex and cuts the engine. Before his lover can exit the car, he tugs at his wrist lightly and brings Jay's hand to his lips, kissing the silver ring. "Remember what this means. I don't want anymore problems between us." Jay nods.

"When we get into the room I want you to put Gabbie in one of the guest bedrooms. She'll be fine, Lola will watch her. Then you're going to tell me exactly what I can do to help fix this mess. Understand?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Let's go."

An elevator ride later, the couple plus one arrive at a cream colored door, decorated with silver lining. Aaron unlocks the door and sets the alarm to rest. "Go ahead and put her upstairs." The young princess, still sleeping and snugged tightly to Jay's chest, lets out an unconscious mewl of protest. With sad eyes, the submissive trudges upstairs and lay her to bed, giving his sibling a kiss before heading back out.

Aaron presses a button on the wall and speaks into the intercom: "Lola, could you watch Gabbie for a few hours please? She's in guest bedroom number one." An instant reply:

"Of course. Is she sleeping?"

"Yes, so tread lightly please."

"Yes sir." With a crackle and beep, the intercom is shut down for the time being by strong hands. Aaron turns his attention to his lover.

"Did you want to do this as lovers or the alternative?"

"You're letting me chose?" Jay, still insecure about making choices for himself, nibbles at his lower lip.

"I want you to be comfortable. And either way, I'm going to get the truth out of you." Still leaning against the wall, Aaron looks his lover over, already sensing the distress leaking out of his pores. It was a little concerning, hearing Jay so shocked about having options of expressing his problems. Maybe he needs to revisit some of their training to clear the air. If anything, it's Jay's health that Aaron is most concerned with, not rules. Obviously Jay didn't get the memo.

"But aren't we lovers no matter what I pick?" he says, without thinking. "What's the difference?" _Better to tackle this problem now than later_ , Aaron decides.

"The difference," he treads over to Jay's small and toned body with a fierce glint in his eyes, "is that there is none. What you said was correct, yes, and I'm sorry if I confused you. But if we're exchanging information about your emotional distress then I want you to be comfortable talking to me. Does this make sense?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Go meet me in my bedroom and strip." As Jay turns to leave, Aaron snags him by the arms and places a chaste kiss on his lips. The young submissive tries to move in for more, but is stopped by a palm to the face.  
  
"Upstairs, got it."  Jay grumbles with disappointment.

The couple part ways; one shivering in dread for the talk to come and the other heading to the guest bedroom to deliver extra directions to his housekeeper. As each person preps for the other's company, a tense silence echoes in the household;  it seeps through the cracks and taints everything and everyone. Could this be a foreshadowing _(a warning)_ of what is to come?

* * *

 

"How long has this been going on Jay? Honestly." Jay blinks, a little offended that his dominant would assume that he'd lie about anything.

"Since senior year." Aaron nods in understanding. He sets one big hand atop the dark haired boy's head, stroking through tangles and massaging his scalp. Jay relaxes into the touch, loving how Aaron can give him what he needs; after such a long conversation (well, mostly him talking) his mind is a lot lighter with all the extra baggage out. He told Aaron about _everything_ , even when Christina nearly killed Gabbie with a ceramic shard; that memory hadn't been very pleasing to relive and he had to take several breaks in between to calm down. Just remembering how scared he was, how eerily quiet the house had been that night, knowing just how vulnerable Gabbie is made his heart feel sour. And the vacation he and Aaron took, how could he just leave her like that? It was wrong, so very wrong....

"Hey."  _He's thinking about something,_ states Aaron. Big brown eyes pop up to meet him, all sense of awareness brought back to the present. "What were you thinking about?"

"How irresponsible I am. How I wish that I was a better brother. About how unfair this is to Gabbie... I mean she's only four! What am I going to say to her when she gets older? How am I going to take care of her? What do I do?" Now Jay is just purely desperate.

"Easy. _We'll_ take care of her." Aaron's hand is smacked away from Jay's head. Furious eyes rise to meet him in rage.

"No, _not easy!_   Aaron, I can't be expected to just be comfortable living with you, that's insane!"

"Don't overthink-"

"I'm _not_!"

"Yes you are!" Aaron rises to his feet to calm his pacing lover, now running his hands through his hair roughly and looking ready to combust. He halts him by the shoulder and speaks:  "Now kneel!" Then, a slightly quieter tone, "And trust me." Begrudgingly, the young submissive sinks to his knees by the bed; he doesn't bother to fix his posture however.

Aaron sighs and plops onto the bed, tipping his lover's chin up with a hooked finger. Softly, he asks, "What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything." Jay tries to yank his chin away but Aaron isn't having it.

A bit more forcefully he asks, " _What_ are you _afraid_ of?"

"Noth-" Before he can finish his sentence, Jay is swung over Aaron's lap and ten harsh slaps are delivered to his bottom. They hurt and leave his skin tender and burning.

"What are you afraid of?" he asks again.

Panting, Jay opens his mouth to repeat his answer, but takes pity on his burning behind and answers honestly. "You." A few tears run down his cheeks, his throat feeling like a golf ball lodged itself within the small passage of his airway. He sniffles and buries his face into the covers. "I'm scared of losing you, of _Gabbie_ losing you, the second father that she might get to have. I'm scared that this relationship will fail because of all the stupid emotional baggage that I'm putting on your shoulders and that eventually you'll just get tired of us, of _me_. I'm scared that I can't balance this relationship and college and taking care of her and taking care of you! I'm scared that this...what we have... _wont  work_!"

To say they had a lot to work on is an understatement. Aaron needs to take him down...and _hard_.

"There's nothing you can do to make me leave Jay." he starts. "I'll have my soul ripped out before that happens, and even then I'll just come back to you in your dreams." He frowns at the anguished face springing leaks into the comforter. "However, I can see that there are going to be trust issues between us; you withhold so much information inside you like your mind is your own personal dam, and then combust when it gets too much for you to handle. I _want_ to take care of you, not because I'm your dominant, but because I _love_ you and I want you to live happily since you have so much to look forward to." He lets that sink in for a few moments.

"I'm going to take you down hard Jay and it's not going to be easy."

"Nothing ever is." Jay mumbles.

Finally finished, Aaron turns Jay onto his back and hugs him close. The young boy has stopped crying  now and lay tired and limp in the big man's arms. From above, the miniature spotlights glint and gleam across the silver ring placed on Jay's finger; its light catches in Aaron's eye.

"How does our relationship make you feel?"

"Safe."

"Is anything confusing at all? How we play?"

"To be honest, sometimes it can be confusing because I don't know what's expected in this relationship. Is BDSM something we only do in the bedroom? Do the contracts follow us into our personal lives? Like when you took me to the bay area and had a sex with me, isn't that part of the game? Or when we went back into the hotel room and you spanked me...."

"That depends. Do you want it to follow into our personal lives?"

"I don't know." Jay mutters. He never gave it much thought and just assumed that it wouldn't. Although lately he feels empty and hollow, like something is missing. Like maybe he needs something thrilling to keep his mind off of the bad thoughts and focus on the good ones. "But maybe... _maybe_...I'd like to try something more intense."

"Like what?" Aaron can sense that they're getting somewhere.

"I don't know, it just feels like something isn't working. I mean, I like it when you play rough and order me around because it's pretty damn sexy, but then we pop right out of it to 'go back to normal'. It's," he huffs, frustrated. "I just need _more_."

"Something that'll reassure you that this relationship is stable."

"Yeah."

"To let you know that I won't be going anywhere anytime soon, to have someone to make sure you wont grow out of control." Once again, Jay agrees. "A slave and master relationship."

"Yeah- _what_?!" The young submissive twitches harshly in Aaron's arms. His eyes pop out of his sockets, wide and disbelieving to what he just heard. Sure, he wants something more intense than the usual spanking but...a slave?

"Yes. And I would be your master." says Aaron, completely calm and smirking at his lover's surprised expression. "I think it's exactly what you need, and it could definitely fix some problems we have now."

"So you want me to wear a collar and crawl around like a damn _dog_? Is that what you're saying?!"

"Lower your voice. And no, you misunderstood what I'm saying."

"No!" Jay pulls out of Aaron's arms and takes ground on the floor. He's had enough of this. "You haven't _said anything_ , Aaron. I thought you would take this seriously, but obviously I was wrong if I thought you could fix this problem." With shaky fingers, Jay twists off the promise ring and tosses it onto the bed. He collects his clothes and redresses himself, then unlocks the bedroom door and storms out, walking down the hall to collect Gabbie. Behind him, Aaron strides powerfully and calmly up to Jay's side.

"A slave and master relationship is more than what you think it is." Jay doesn't answer, just keeps walking down the hall until he reaches the pastel orange door where his sister lay protected behind it. "Look, you asked for an answer and I gave you one. Nothing about what I said was a joke or harassment. With my experience in this field, I know what we need." Aaron finally jogs in front of Jay and stops him. The dark haired boy keeps his gaze to the side.

"I constantly feel like I'm going to loose you Jay, and _this_ , " he gestures between the two of them, "is a perfect example. For the past year that we've been in this relationship together, I've done nothing but worry about you since the day we met. You just had so much on your plate to take care of, and you still do, but there was no life in your eyes; you seemed dead and tired and there were some things that we never discussed but has clearly put us at risk now." His voice has lowered now. " I don't want to lose you because of lack of trust and communication. I love you too much."

Finally, Jay relaxes his tense shoulders. Although his gaze is still distant, his words show understanding and are clearly directed towards Aaron: "I love you too." He wraps his hand in the bigger man's and entwines their fingers. Maybe he jumped to conclusions too fast, maybe he can help. After all, where is he going to find another person that cares for him so much? Reluctantly, Jay looks into Aaron's eyes with a look of defeat and says, "Show me."

"I will. But for now I want you to do something." The dominant ushers his submissive back towards his chambers. Once arrived, Aaron picks up the small silver ring and thumbs it in his palm. For a second Jay thinks that the object will be given back to him, but is proved wrong when Aaron walks to a drawer instead. He takes out a small wooden box, filled halfway with chains of many sizes, and digs through it until a long, bare necklace is pulled out. The metal is thick and looks like loose thread from a poorly knitted sweater, but is in fact sturdy and cold. He hooks the ring through the chain and fastens the necklace before padding back to Jay and placing it around the boy's neck. Jay stares at it, wordless and a bit worried. Before he can ask any questions, Aaron explains the necklace's significance.

"Trust is clearly a problem we have and can definitely use some working on. But not without digging down to the cold hard truths first. You don't trust me Jay, and that is a fact. You have lied to me, not only about physical needs but also your emotional ones too and I don't appreciate that." He exhales. "When you removed the ring, I felt scared because I was sure you would walk out on me without a second thought. You have no idea.... So until we can work through our problems together and you feel like being in a relationship with me is safe, then I want this ring to stay off your finger and around your neck instead. I want it to remind you what went wrong and what we can do to fix it. So we can move past this together. Does this make sense?"

"Yes." Jay whispers. He can already feel the yearning of wearing Aaron's ring again; the spot of skin where it used to be, now cold and naked without its presence.

"Good." Aaron pulls his lover in for a kiss and hug, rubbing up and down his back for added reassurance.

"Is this what you meant about taking me down?"

"Yes, partly. We still have a way to go."

"A long way...."

Aaron hums in agreement, leading Jay back to the bed so he can catch up on rest. The dark haired man pays no protest and lets himself be doused in covers and kisses before his lover pulls back to draw the curtains and sit in the loveseat across from him. "Everything will be explained later. Just rest for now." he hums.

And slowly, Jay's eyes droop to close, sometimes fighting the reigns of sleep for one last glimpse of his lover. However, after minutes of fighting, he figures that Aaron would still be there when he woke up or even in his dreams.


	9. Curtain Call

"It seems like Jay  
isn't the only one who  
needs this   
new development.

This reflection."  
___________________________________

Aaron tidies up the previous dinner set-up he hoped to show to Jay before things plummeted down the abyss. He frowns at the unopened bottle of wine (a nicely aged Chardonnay) and wonders if there will ever truly be any time to spend with Jay. How many times will the boy run off? How many times will he ignore his own health? And lie to Aaron?

 _This can't happen anymore_. Aaron decides. _He's living in an unstable household with no one to lean on and taking care of a four year old with autism. Not to mention college classes everyday and living with a potentially abusive mother. And Jay is only twenty one, an age too young in my opinion to deal with these situations._

_Things need to start changing. Now._

____________________________________

**There is a nightmare teetering on the edge of his conscience, threatening to overtake his sanity in the pitch black box he's contained in.**

**A sickening Mad Cat by the name of CHESHIRE grins, showing perfectly white teeth, stained with human's ghostly souls. The beast moves closer...closer...close-**

Jay shivers violently and jerks awake, his body freezing into an uncomfortable pose of terror. The boy takes a moment to breathe oxygen into his sore lungs, aching heart, and quivering muscles before finally relxing into the sheets.

Should he open his eyes? What will greet him in the dark of this empty king bed if he does?

_Get a hold of yourself. Open your goddamn eyes Jay._

Wearily, the brunette sighs heavily and tries to erase the bone deep fear freezing over his brain. He opens his eyes, not surprised to find that the room is dark and the clock reads 11:00 P.M..

Behind him the curtains flutter, silky and weightless, carried by the wind of chilly breath of the moon. Jay shivers. It's cold. Yet he doesn't want to move for fear that his body will become alert and wake up his mind; Jay isn't ready to be awake. He wants to sleep. And the chain around his neck weighs his spineless body down like a paperweight ten times his body mass, making it impossible to decide otherwise.

The chain....  
And ring.

Ah, yes. His new contracts. The mark of a new era (more like chapter because Jay feels like nothing has changed) for him and Aaron. These objects, although magnificent, have taken away the last bit of reason and self dignity Jay had owned before this mess.

Before mom.

Jay isn't sure where Aaron is going with the whole master/slave idea, but it's a damn mouthful to swallow. He knows enough biology however (in his screwed up mind of how the world works) to know how most _biological_ animals would react to this situation: dogs would obey and roll over, felines would fight. And humans...humans would demand respect.

Not everyone shares a relationship with their partners that rely on domesticity, but the ones that do would never question power displacement. It seems that Jay and Aaron have fallen into that second category. The brunette is too tired to argue, yet too anxious not to be wary of change. The last time his life changed, his dad died.

Jay doesn't want Aaron to die.

 _"Is that your son?" A thick, southern man snarls at Jay and Harry. Spittle flies from his mouth and the gun in his hand shakes unsteadily. Deep inside he feels_ _adrenaline_ , _anticipation._

_He's never killed a faggot before._

_"Look Tom, you need to stop this. You're scaring your boy. You're scaring my boy." Harry stands close to Jay. He holds the boy's hand although Jay is proudly 15._

_"He kissed my son!"_

_"And we can't do anything about it. I know. But Tom...why does this bother you so much? You preach love not hate. What's gotten into you?"_

_"You son of a-"_

The next thing he knows, Jay is in the bathroom and leaning against the door, sweating bullets. His knees buckle pathetically, hard bone bruising inevitably as Jay falls to the floor. He calls to Aaron, trying to block out the memoroes, tries to get rid of the nasty CHESHIRE cat grin and sickening bang of a gun as his dad falls to the floor and-

Jay heaves his stomach contents onto the tiled floor. Acidic bile burns the tissue in his throat, combined with thicker fluids of whatever he ate this morning. He folds in half and hugs his stomach, saliva dripping down his chin. Jay gives a pained sigh and hugs his abdomen.

He takes a few breaths through his nose to calm the roiling sickness in his gut before calling out to Aaron again. "Aaron!" he moans. There is a heavy thud of bare feet against stairs and then a small shout of the brunette's name.

"Jay?" Aaron taps open the door tentatively. He sees Jay lying in a heap next to the port. "Babe? Are you-" he stops abruptly when his feet lands in something warm and...liquid-y. The man ignores the obvious evidence of bile and steps around the door to meet Jay. "Are you okay?"

Jay says nothing and avoids contact.

"Is your stomach still upset?"

Nothing.

"I'm going to pick you up okay?"

Silence.

"Babe." Aaron touches Jay's forehead to see if the boy is conscious enough to focus. He flinches back as vomit shoots from Jay's mouth in a wet cough and partially skims his t shirt. The boy shrivels up in shame, tears burning the back of his eyes.

 _How did today get this bad?_ he thinks.

"Jay, babe. Look at me please." Aaron commands. He isn't using his dom voice but he isn't going soft either. His lover responds with a shake of his head. "I can't leave you like this. Let me help you." Another shake. With a sigh, Aaron tells Jay that he will be back in a moment and scurries back to their room. He grabs his cell from the nightstand and dials up a contact.

"Aaron?"

"Perry." Aaron sounds out of breath; the man plops onto the bed to calm his blood pressure.

"Are you okay? What's up?"

"Look, I know it's late but I'm having trouble with Jay. Could you come down?"

"What's wrong with him?" Perry, a former friend of Aaron, speaks dutifully on the phone, going right to business. Aaron can hear sheets ruffling and the squeak of dressers as they are pulled open.

"I swear I only left him for a second-"

"In bondage?"

"No! No. God, no. He was sleeping in the bed and next thing I know he's calling my name in pain from upstairs. I found him in the bathroom covered in vomit. He looks like he's on the verge of a panic attack but at the same time he's in a daze, not talking or moving." Aaron pads softly to the bathroom, peeping his head in through the door. Jay is exactly how he left him.

"Okay. It might be a while until I get there but until then I want you to get- Jay? - under some cold water to put the shock back in his system. It sounds to me like he might be in a catatonic state, so the shower may or may not help. It's worth a shot though."

"Alright. Thanks. Just text me when you're close."

"Be there in ten." Perry hangs up the phone, but not before Aaron hears a car door shutting and an engine roaring. Just like always, Perry will be the savior of the day.

Now with a sense of purpose, Aaron re-enters the bathroom, getting straight to business. He ignore the mushy vomit underneath his feet and crounches next to Jay. The man sweeps his dark hair back and runs his hand down a soft cheek, stained with tears. "I'm going to pick you up Jay, and then I'm going to put you in the tub. The water will be turned on but it's going to be cold." Aaron feels slight exasperation when Jay offers no response. He wraps two broad arms around the boy and lifts him slowly so as not to upset his stomach again. Aaron frowns at how light he is, maybe one fourth heavier than Gabbie.

Now in the tub, Aaron lifts the shower nob two forths of the way up and pulls the pin on the faucet. Water shoots out the shower head immediately, with a hiss, and shoots at Jay in small bullets. The boy didn't even flinch, much less show any notice at all of being doused in water.

Still lifeless.  
Still shivering.  
Still quiet.

"Babe? I called someone, they're on the way here. He's a good friend so don't be afraid-"

"Sir?" Aaron jumps at the unexpected voice behind him. He spins around and relaxes as he sees it's only Lola. "Sir," she begins again, "there's a man downstairs named Perry-"

"Bring him up please."

"Yes sir. Oh! Is he okay?!" Lola gasps at the lifeless boy in the tub. She gapes at all the vomit on the floor. "I'm gonna get some towels...." she trails off.

"Later. Please, just.... Show him up here Lola." The less attention, the better. The middle aged woman nods and hurries quickly downstairs where a salt and pepper haired man awaits.

Not even two minutes later, a doctor is in the spacious bathroom with the dom and sub. He looks at Aaron at the foot of the tub, wrapping Jay in a plush towel and hauling him into his arms, and meets him with a rough 'hello'.

"What do we do?" Jay looks so small swaddled in blankets in the arms of (an angle) this bigger man.

"Get him on the bed. I'll take it from there."

Perry

As soon as the boy is on the bed, I get to work on investigating. His skin is feverish, but not too high, some bile still coats his chin but not an unnatural color, the shivers have stopped, most likely because of the shower. I dip onto the matress and peel back the towel shielding his body; water soaked clothes stick to Jay's body like second skin. "Aaron, get me some clothes for him, preferably sweats and a tank if you can."

"Okay." I hear him say. Blocking eveything else out, I focus on Jay again, a piercing stare gouging his reaction to small manipulations of his body. I lay him on his back. No response. I wiggle his fingers. No response. I check his facial movements. Eyes are still open, they're glassy and slightly red; he hasn't blinked in a while.

"Jay." I call. "My name is Dr Perry, I'm a friend of Aaron." I punctuate each vowel slowly. If he really is in a catatonic state and not just passed out with his eyes open, then talking to him slowly and getting him to come back would be the best solution. He's only coming back if he wants to. "You might be in a comfortable place right now, but it's time to come back to us. Come back to Aaron. Come back to me." I smile when fingertips twitch and flick the palm of my hand. "That's it. Take your time." A full body twitch now.

Aaron makes his reappearance from the closet. He presents a pair of sweats and tank as requested, glancing warily to Jay. I give him a reassuring smile and nod my head to his partner. "What?" he questions.

"Give the clothes to Jay. I want him to put them on."

"But he hasn't been moving. I don't even think he knows you're here right now."

"Trust me. He knows. Give him the clothes Aaron." He bends down to eye level with Jay and looks at him deeply, almost like he is skeptical of my judgment. I give him a reaassuring pat on the shoulder.

And just as promised, Jay comes back to us little by little. I make sure to give him privacy as he pulls on new boxers, then smile approvingly as his motor skills become more finely tuned to his predicament. Jay finishes up with the black tank, and sighs tiredly. His eyes flutter closed and I get up immediately.

"Hey, hey. None of that. I need you up for a bit. I'll let you rest in a few minutes okay?" Jay nods in silence. He opens his eyes, a few tears sweeping down his cheeks; his eyes are probably stinging from keeping them open for so long. "Are you still nauseous?"

"Yes."

"Does your head hurt?"

"No."

"Any muscle pain?"

"My back. My...neck. And," he gulps thickly with a pained expression, "my knees hurt a lot."

"Okay. Do you know where you are right now?"

"...."

"Jay."

"My neck hurts." he mumbles. I decide to speed this up quicker before he falls asleep on me.

"We're almost done, I promise. Just one more question: would you be comfortable coming home with me tonight? Just to keep watch over you."

"School tomorrow."

"I understand but that will have to wait."

"...Okay."

"You're okay with this?" I double check to make sure. Aaron gives me a wary glance, gripping the sheets beneath him.

"Yes- _ss_." Jay slurs. I get a one second warning before the boy is back to vomiting over himself and the sheets. Aaron and I roll him onto his side, the dominate cradling his neck and rubbing circles in his back. Jay heaves another time, whimpering in distress.

"Jay, babe. Take deep breaths for me." Aaron coos. Sweat drips from Jay's brow, he wheezes continuously.

"Deep breaths." I repeat. To help guide him, I take my hand and place it on his stomach. "I should be able to feel your stomach expanding on my hand Jay. When you exhale it should concave deeply with your stomach. Try this for me please." I can see that he's trying, the long and painful breaths turning into relaxed intake of air in a matter of minutes. The crease between his brow eases up gradually, and finally he relaxes completely.

"Jay-" Aaron starts. The man looks panicked but I reassure him with a hand to his forearm.

"He can rest now, his body needs to recover."

"Are you sure? What if he vomits in his sleep again?"

"I understand your worry but as far as throwing up a third time, that would be unlikely. As far as I know, the bathroom is covered in copious amounts of...fluid."

"Okay." Aaron sighs. "Should I redress him at least?"

"Yes, but not yet. I want to give him a light sedative first."

"So he won't wake up again?"

"Yes. Also because I need to get him into my car."

"Right. About that, I'm not sure I feel comfortable with him at your place. Not because I don't trust you but because I want to keep an eye on him myself. I'm his dominant, I need to keep an eye on him."

"Look Aaron." I sit up from the bed and stretch ny back. I comb my unruly hair before sighing and meeting the man eye to eye. "I'll make this as bluntly as I can: Jay needs medical attention. I can't give you a full diagnosis yet, but for the sake of his health, I would be better equipt to take care of him right now. He's showing signs of stress, anxiety, fever, and depression which could mix up a nasty cocktail and really screw with his body. He's coming with me."

"Depression? How did you come up with that?"

"Nobody just goes into a catatonic state. There's always an underlying trauma behind the cause." Aaron just nods his head, defeated. I frown and sigh quietly, glancing at the clock. One A.M.. "Look, I know this is confusing but all I can ask you to do is trust me on this. It's late, we're all tired, and I'm sure you would feel guilty if something else happened to Jay overnight. I know things are looking pretty confusing right now, you probably didn't even expect this to happen, but it's all I can offer okay?"

"Yeah." He says quietly. I allow him a few moments of quiet. "Okay, so the sedative. You have it on you."

"Yes. If you could just move him for me slightly , so his head and shoulders are being supported." Aaron does as told. I give him the last of my directions so I can properly sedate him and have Aaron organize an overnight bag for Jay while I carry him to the car. His legs dangle and swing as I descend the steps; Jay is light, lighter than he should be for a 5'6, 21 year old male (information courteous of Aaron after scavenging for a small background check). I make small note of this as I place him in the passenger's seat and recline him a full 180 degrees so he is laying down. I start the engine, my black Lexus giving a soft pur. Aaron descends the steps of his house, finally meeting me at my car with an overnight bag. I take the duffel in hand through the window and place it in the back seat next to my medical bag.

"I'll make sure to keep a close eye on him tonight and call you tomorrow when he wakes up."

"Please do." Aaron swallows.

"Have a good night. Get some rest Aaron." He nods. I roll up the widow and drift off the driveway, on my way back home.

  
  


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the late update, I hope you don't mind.
> 
> What do you think about this new character Perry? Does he seem trustworthy? How do you think Aaron knows him? More importantly, what do you think is going on with our beloved Jay?
> 
> Let me know what your guesses are in the comments!
> 
> Love,  
> OtakuDreams


	10. Go

 

_"You son of a bitch! You got some nerve using my morals against me. I preach love to those who don't worship the devil!" Tom turns the safety off the gun. Harry's heart beats faster. Jay grips his dad's hand in fear._

_"But you're the one that raised him, ain't you? He must of learned from somebody." the man mutters to himself, lips upturned into a scowl and forearns clenching the gun._

_"Jayden. I want you to go to the car. Drive home, understand?" Harry whispers. Although he doesn't have a licence or permit yet, Jay can maneuver a car with ease._

_"No-"_

_"You better listen to your father son. I don't want to kill you. Just the monster that played a hand in your creation." Tom strides across the grass. He puts the barrel of the gun on Harry's forehead, then looks warmly to Jay as if he truly wants him to live. "Go. You don't need to see this."_

_Jay shakes his head. He stays in place with his dad's hand in a death grip. Wrong decision._

_Harry backhands Jay with his free hand across the head, effectively sending him to his knees. Jay exhales in pain, cradling the back of his neck. "Go!" Tom snarls._

_"Go."_

_"Go."_

_"Go."_

_**"Go!"** _

_Jay finds himself sucked away into a new landscape, this time with himself at his father's funeral. His mother is there, crying. Gabbie is in his arms, sleeping soundly. Jay looks at the midnight blacl coffin his father is placed in and shivers. He feels cold. He feels ashamed. But Jay knows that his father would want him to continue being confident in himself and his sexual preferences, no matter how bad the outcome may turn out to be._

_In this case Harry is dead._

_Outcome number one._

_The second outcome?_

_Unknown._

_He can only protect himself from the other monsters lurking in cornwrs around town. He can only hope to keep Gabbie safe; mom has started drinking but Jay can't find it in him to stop her. Alcohol isn't the way to go, but if it helps her cope then maybe she's better off doing it. He's also better off killing himself, but...._

_Jay blinks tiredly, instantly he finds himself somewhere else; bed, window, nightstand, carpet. Strong arms lifting him up. He doesn't know these arms, doesn't know whose pinewood scent is suddenly staining his skin. Jay squirms and pushes against the person's chest. His vision is masked and cloudy; blindfold._

_"Put me down!" Jay huffs. Already his fingers are shaking at the exertion. He feels so wound and tight and so tired. "Put me down!" Whoever it is isn't letting up. Jay feels frustrated tears stinging his eyes and swelling his throat._

_"Jay." Unknown voice that rumbles like thunder. Suddenly, Jay feels caloused hands rubbing his skin. He flinches back._

_"Don't touch me." He's shivering now. His neck aches._

_"Jay. Wake up. I'm a friend."_

_"I don't know you."_

_"I'm a friend...wake up."_

A long, choked inhale burns Jay's throat, sending him into a couphing fit. He tries to get his breathing under control, only calming down when the man lays him on something soft. His fingers run along the sheets, giving his hands something to do while he gets a good look at the person above. He is tall for sure, but also built with a good layer of muscle. Tattoos run up both arms in a trail of smoke, leading to a thick neck and gruff beard. The man has chocolate brown eyes and arched eyebrows, leading a widow's peak and dark, salt and pepper curly hair. He looks at Jay with a small smile.

Jay isn't smiling. His heart is pounding out of his chest; this isn't Aaron's house!

"Whoa! Hey, calm down. I'm a friend of Aaron's. It's okay." He reassures. The man crouches down to eye level, still giving him that same smile. "My name is Perry. I'm a doctor."

"Hi..." Jay begins. "Why am I," His gaze flutters down to his torso which is dressed in a new shirt. On the crook of his elbow is a cotton ball secured with tape. "What did you do?" He whispers.

"I think it's better to talk about this a bit more comfortably. Are you okay to stand? Any nausea? Pain?"

Jay takes a moment to breathe. He doesn't feel anything. He shakes his head 'no' and swings his legs over the edge. Soft carpet hugs his toes beneath him. The man gives him a once over, tilting his body toward the door.

"Living room is this way." He says.

Jay follows Perry out the room. "Ah!" The sun momentarily blinds him from the side out of two large windows. Perry curses in apology and draws the curtains. He plops onto a cream colored sectional. It's only then that Jay realizes he has been standing at distance from him unconsciously. He strides over to the couch to sit down, legs suddenly feeling like they are unattached to his body. There are still one or two cushions separating them though.

"Okay, where to begin. Um.... Do you remember anything?" Perry stutters with his words. Jay can see that he is bashful and shy in opposition to the man's tattoos and muscles. He keeps his eyes on Perry before answering with:

"I remember being at Aaron's house. I was spending the night at his place for...certain reasons. And then I had-" Jay flushes in embarassment. He rubs his face to rub away the blush. "I puked everywhere."

Perry pinches his eyebrows in understanding. "Well, Jay, you gave Aaron a bit of a scare last night. You had an episode where you went into a catatonic state."

"I was unresponsive?"

Perry hums in agreement. "He called me and I came to help him out. You seemed to be in a pretty bad place." He continues in a quiet voice. "I was concerned so I decided that it would be best to keep an eye on you until you woke up."

"I was catatonic. I should have been conscious, not asleep."

"I gave you a sedative." Perry leans forward. "How did you know that?"

"I'm studying to be a doctor."

"You must be studying hard then."

I nod my head.

"Do you get tired at all? Or fatigued often?" Perry leans off the side of the couch. He pours some coffee into two mugs on a small glass table and offers creme and sugar to Jay. He just now notices the hearty breakfast spread out in front of him; cresents, fruit, and bacon. A typical French breakfast. Snapping back to attention, Jay lowers his mug and sighs.

"Yeah. Yes. Sometimes."

"How often is sometimes?"

"Often enough." Perry takes a sip of coffee and slides closer to Jay.

"What is your sleep pattern like?" The younger male notices a slight accent now in the man's words.

"Why does it matter?"

"Look, I'm going to tell you exactly what I told Aaron this morning. Actually, you should know this too. People don't go into a catatonic state for no reason. Something sent you there. And I am not sending you home until I find out what."

"Doctor's code." I mutter.

"Exactly."

Jay sighs and sets his mug down. He leans back into the couch and rubs his face again, this time getting rid of the lingering fatigue. His skin rubs red along his cheeks from the offending gesture. Beside him, Perry waits patiently.

 

Jay

"It's really something I should be over by now. But it's still something that... that really scares me." I set the mug down. Cafine will only get me more excited when talking about this and I'd rather not get hysterical. Again. "When I was young, my father died. He died because some people in our community didn't agree with how we, I, acted. Things were fine until one day, I did something stupid. I gave into temptation...for a guy in my class.

His dad found out." I pause there, finding my hands shaking; I place one on the back of my neck, where a small bruise that never healed is. I've never told Aaron about this bruise; he doesn't need to know. I look up at Perry, grateful for the patience he is giving me.

"My dad and Tom got into a fight. He died, my dad. Tom went to jail. We moved." I spit out the rest in a bitter summary, swallowing back the huge lump in my throat. My head feels hot, most of the tension toward the front and around my temples. I massage them both for relief. Perry moves toward me. He doesn't touch me or question my silence at all, he just sits there.

"I can't take it anymore." I whisper. Some tears fall down my cheeks; they are hot and sting from being bottled up for so long. "My mom drinks now. She doesn't want to take care of Gabbie for an entirely new reason so I look over her instead. She has autism...and so innocent and naive. She still asks for mom to sit at the table with us during dinner." My breathing starts to hicup and steady lines of tears follow, dripping down my nose and chin. "I haven't slept. I never feel like eating. I feel...I feel like like crap all the time." A bitter smile follows. "I feel like I'm disappointing Aaron with all my problems."

"Last night he confronted me about it when he picked me up, the same day I decided that staying at home wouldn't be...wouldn't be safe anymore. We talked it over a bit and came up with a plan. Well Aaron did and I agreed. He thinks- I think- no, we both think that it would be good to try a heavier version of our lifestyle, but we need to clear up some obstacles first. Trust and faith...." A long, defeated sigh escapes my lips and I find that talking is no longer an option for me. My torso hunches over, head collapsing into my hands. I quake and shiver all over, giving pathetic wails as the tears become thicker with time. Something cold touches my chest at some point; circular and small. The promise ring that Aaron gave to me bumps against my chest every few hiccups. I touch the object, mostly because of regret but also because of love. Aaron deserves more than this, more than me.

After a while the crying stops. I notice that Perry is closer than before now and rubbing my back. He looks...mad. "S-sorry." I stutter. "Don't be mad, I'm sorry." Perry snaps out of whatever he was thinking and shakes his head in apology. His shoulders droop and a disappointed look paints over his dark eyes.

"I'm not mad. Not at you at least." He pauses a moment, hesistating. "Jay. Are you familiar with sub-drop?" The sun is at full peak now, bathing Perry in a white light. His salt and pepper hair glazes over and looks silver.

I wipe at my eyes and sniffle. My head shakes 'no'.

"Sub-drop is a form of depression where people develope uncertain feelings or doubts about anything or anyone that they might have trouble interacting with. Nothing traumatic needs to happen and sometimes the symptoms are unnoticeable, but the affect is usually the same. Anxiety, restlessness, having trouble making decisions, dissapointment in yourself- the list goes on."

"You think I have it." Stated more as an observation more than question, I grimace at how medical that sounded. Sub-drop isn't a disease. But as I look back to when Aaron and I started playing in the bedroom, more and more instances where sub-drop might have occured stick out like red flags in my face. The night that mom attacked Gabbie with a ceramic shard I contemplated calling Aaron to pick us up. Mom cut the phone lines and Gabbie and I left to a motel instead. I had a panic attack the next morning.

Then sometime during the first semester of college, I wanted to celebrate with Aaron when my grades came back but remembered how much more studying needed to be done. My body was itching for reassurance but I couldn't bear to ask for help.

"I believe so, yes. And I'll be honest with you Jay, there are a lot of alarms going off in my head that demand attention immediately." Perry sighs. I notice how careful he is being with me to avoid any offense. "The first thing I would like to address is how disappointed I am in Aaron for not taking care of this sooner. We talked a bit earlier and he has told me that you have been togeter for a year and playing for ten months. I understand that you don't see each other as often as you would like and that is understandable. But choosing to play around and sweep everything else under the rug regarding your emotional distress ignores every possible rule in a D/S contract. I also understand that your necklace, although a catalyst in building trust between you two, is not a suitable collar." I nod; a collar is somethinf that I've been wanting...aching for for a long time. Having my right to having one being denied was like a slap to the face, but I never told Aaron about it. We just swept it under the rug like we normally do.

"So. What I would like to do- with your permission of course- is put a temporary hold on your relationship with Aaron for a while until you get over the sub-drop." My heart plummets into my stomach, rendering me immobile and pausing all brain function. Perry wants to take him away?!

Before I can protest he holds up a hand and resumes speaking. "You will be able to see him whenever you would like, but it would just delay your recovery time. I know a lot of good people who are specialized in dealing with sub-drop and have more than enougb background with power play in your area. I think it would be beneficial to take some time for yourself to gain a fresh, new perspective on what you feel like you need. I'll be blunt with you Jay, Aaron has proved to me that he is not a capable dominant. There is no need for anyone else to get hurt. You both need to take a break."

I sit there, eyebrows furrowed. Part of me wants to protest but a greater portion screams 'Yes! This is what you need!'. I can't help but yearn to be happy again. Gaabie is growing up, I want to be there for her. "When would I...how soon can we start?" I find myself asking.

Perry smiles reassuringly. "As soon as you're able. But you don't need to decide now, there's no rush."

"No. I need this." My hand lingers on the necklace on my neck. I unhook the clasp; immediately I feel lighter. I realize that having it on- even though it has barely been one night- has brought on a foreign heaviness. The necklace has only been adding onto rhe guilt and depression, rather than give me an incentiv to be better. "I can't do this." My words become thick, they slur together like something bitter settled on my tongue.

"Okay." Perry answers after a while. "Do you have anywhere to be right now? Am I holding you up?"

"No. Uh, classes are cancelled for the rest of the week. They want us to study for our finals."

"We have plenty of time then. Would you come with me for a few hours?"

"Where?"

"We should get a head start on this, assuming you want to start asap. I haven't told you this yer but I am a part time doctor at a club Aaron used to train at. I know some good people that can help you out."

I twist my lips this way and that, wringing my hands together. Clubs are something that Aaron and I never got around to or discussed. Maybe because he felt possessive and didn't want people looking at me, but it would be nice to know others who are into the lifestyle anyway.  
A quiet click sounds in the room; a rush of cool air comes bareling in past the curtains. Perry draws them back slightly to let some sunlight in, pusing the window the rest of the way open. I walk over to him like a moth drawn to a flame and peer outside. A small but well kept garden sits a few feet away from the window. The grass is a mossy green, two large oak trees rest on either side of the perimeter. Marigolds of ever color intertwine with some dainty white plants; they form a circle around another ring of roses, and finally tulips. In the very center is a small pond with stones outlining the edges. Some birds fly by occasionally, a few of them landing in the oak trees and spreading seeds along the grass. I sigh, basking in the warmth, and wonder how I got here. Life was easy before highschool. We were fine in our country town home twenty minutes from school and downtown. I hate how my sexuality was just enough to turn everyone against us; we should've been fine.

But we aren't.

"Are you okay?" Perry hums. He notices my displeasure and rakes a hand through my hair.

"I have hatred." I sigh. Tension melts away in my shoulders and neck, allowing them to sag toward the floor. "I don't want to say what about."

"That's okay. You did very good opening up to me; my empathy for others always manages to allow me a different perspective in these situations. Like the bruise on your neck, I can tell that it's still a fresh reminder of whatever happened back then. Or the way you clutch onto that necklace; you want to get better and seem to be self motivated." Perry continues to comb through my hair while leading me back to the couch. He puts together a plate with his free hand with some fruit and a small cresent. The other items have gone cold.

"And these are the things I would like to enhance and heal while you are with someone else at some point. You're a good boy Jay; still young too and it looks like you have a good oppurtunity to turn things around."

I nod, sinking my teeth into cantelope and watermelon. I chew thoughtfully, feeling more energetic now that something is in my stomach. My mind goes through everything we've covered and I realize that I never gave him a specific reason for last night. I swallow the rest of the food on my plate and lick my lips.

"I'm not in love with change." Perry looks at me, not expecting my confession. "That's what set me off last night." He just nods. Perry finishes his meal and I help clean up the leftovers. I also take care of the bedroom I slept in on my arrival, and note that it hardly looks slept it. It might have had to do with me waking up in his arms but I don't comment. From then on, Perry and I freshen up, solacing in a nice shower and hygiene check. He makes a few calls as I finish up and then we leave.

The club we are headed to lay between my (old) house and college; a respectable distance from both areas. The building looks like a hotel, the exterior covered in glass and several feet tall. Perry guides inside past double doors and straight through the lobby where a rexeptionists desk lay. We don't speak during our ascent to the first floor, until we finally enter a room.

I stop in my tracks.

There are a lot of people. Stranege though, all I see are men. Tall men, short men, really buff ones, and others with adoringly lean bodies.

"This is the first floor of the club." Perry starts. "Masters and dominants usually mingle around with the submissives here. As you can see, there is a bar," he points to the left. "and some booths." To the right now. "This is generally the place you want to be if you're looking for someone to play with or just hang out."

"How does it work?"

"I'll let your dominant fill you in. His name is Caine and he's filled in with everything that's happened. But before I hand you to him, just know that I trust him 100 percent. He is very patient and understaning and easy to talk to. Or if you don't feel like talking then he knows how to make you comfortable."

"Okay." I nod.

"Great. Let's see, he should be," Perry draws out the last word, eyes searching through the crowd for Caine, "there!" Sitting alone at a small booth in the center lay a lean, six foot tall man with chestnut hair and green eyes. He's reading a book titled Jane Eyre and laying back on the cushions of his seat. A cute smile lay on his lip as he scans the pages. Perry leads me toward him, grinning from ear to ear when Caine gets and up hugs him. I wonder how close they are and stand there awkwardly.

"Nice to meet you. My name is Caine!" He greets. A large hand reaches out; I feel myself smiling.  
"Likewise. I'm Jay."

"I'll leave you two. Good luck Jay. I mean it." Perry smiles. He hands me a box before his departure, telling me that it's a phone for me to have until I buy a new one. Aaron paid for it. My smile falters but not before I thank him for everything. Finally, Perry leaves the crowd, and I'm alone.

Caine gestures for me to sit down. He asks if I want anything to eat or drink; I just shake my head. My heart pounds away in my chest; a thrill of apprehension starts to make my palms sweaty. Before I know it, they are wrapped up in two larger ones and the shaking stops. I look at Caine in the eye in confusion.

"It's okay to be nervous." He soothes. "Have you ever been to a place like this?"

"No. My previous partner and I never... tried it."

"Would you be more comfortable somewhere quieter?"

Here comes the anxiety.

"N-no. We could stay?" The words fall out of my mouth before I can think them through. I swallow, averting my gaze.

"Okay." Caine squeezes his hands over mine and I feel myself relaxing. "We can just talk then. I'd like to get to know you."

"Well, I'm 21. I'm studying to be a podiatrist at UC and..." I shrug. What else do I tell him that he doesn't already know?

"Hobbies?"

"Oh, um. Singing, drawing, running. And taking care of Gabbie. I never do much of that other stuff anymore, there's no time. But I don't mind. I love her."

"Gabbie is your sister?"

"Yeah. She's six and has autism. She's super cute, she loves to draw and play with the other kids at school." My lips start to curl into a relaxed smile. I wonder if she's okay right now with Aaron.

A momentary pause follows, Caine locks eyes with me, expression going serious for a moment. "Perry told me about your situation. How are you holding up?" Around us, the noise gets louder, people getting off work coming here to unload. It's getting harder to talk over the crowd so I request moving somewhere else. Caine and I end up two floors higher above the bar. A long hallway of doors greets us as we round the corner. Caine holds my hand all the way to his room, stopping at a cream colored door encrusted with gold plating for the room number.

"This is my room here most of the time. If we sign a contract then this is where you will also stay." Caine says. He sets his key card on the dressers and draws the curtains. I sit on the large, maple wood bed layered with pastel orange sheets. The last part of his sentence sticks with me as I remove my shoes.

"If?"

"Look Jay, I don't want to push you into anything you don't want. Whether or not we start something is completely your decision." He says, lowering onto the bed with me. He isn't wrong though.

"I understand." I say. "But just for the record, I'm not going to have any doubts about this. I want to sign a contract with you if I feel like you can help me." Caine nods his head, smiling. I huff, deciding to continue our earlier conversation. "So you wanted to know how I was- am- doing." Somehow, my bottom lip ends up between my teeth; Caine pulls it back gently with his thumb. I blush a little. "I'm okay. It's the same thing I told Perry. I feel insecure, anxious, tired. Just this giant ball of tension you know?"

"Whenever you feel like that, how do you normally cope?"

"Well, if Aaron's not with me then I focus on Gabbie more than normal. I clean or study too. Sometimes all three."

"And with Aaron?"

"I...lie. I tell him that I'm fine, I get in trouble, we make up, and then the cycle repeats."

"If we were to be together, what would I be able to do to help you relax?"

"Relax? Uh, I like to be held or kissed- not always on the lips- my dad used to sing to me whenever I couldn't sleep. Or reading." Caine surprises me when he grabs my biceps and pulls me close to him. My back lay on his chest now, our legs tangled together and his arms in a circle around my waist. I sigh and let myself relax into his hold.

"Like this?"

"Just like this."

"And if none of these options work would I have your permission to take things into my own hands?"

"What would do?" I tense again, suddenly wary. Caine rubs my chest and back soothingly.

"I might give you a small scene involving a little bit of pain- with no marking or fluids being drawn- or meditation to help you calm down." Caine is quick to reassure me when I start to pull out of his hold.

"Then yes. Those sound okay."

"That's good to know. Also, is there anything specific you're into. Pet play? Age regression? Edge play?"

"Anything works for me. Except, how far back would I go during age regression?"

"As far as you're comfortable with."

"Okay."

"Just one more thing and then I'll tell you about myself." I gesture for him to continue. "How often would you be able to see me?"

Oh.

I can't even give a definitive answer yet because right now, I'm homeless. I don't have an apartment yet and I can't be with Aaron. My relatives don't live here either.

"Jay?" Caine coos. I notice that I've gone silent and my hands have started trembling again. I close my eyes momentarily to rein myself back in.

"I don't have anywhere to live right now. Me and Aaron, we can't- it's not- we shouldn't see each other for a while."

Caine stays silent. I know he knows about my mom being unstable right now and that I can't stay there. He sits up straighter along the headboard, pulling me with him. He bends his leg and then crosses them at the ankles, then rests his chin on my shoulder, hugging me close.

"I have condo not too far from here with some spare rooms. If you feel comfortable with it, you could stay with me."

_"Easy, we'll take care of her."_

_"No! Not easy, Aaron. I can't just be expected to move in with you!"_

I gasp, jolting us both. Would that really work? I can't just move in so suddenly. That's something new, it's gonna change Gabbie's routine. What if she gets scared? What if something happens to Caine that he gets caught up in?

The painting on the wall starts to sway back and forth, the sun suddenly too bright. My chest expands and falters at great lengths. Something fuzzy rubs my brain the wrong way and suddenly I'm lightheaded. I flinch back when something heavy lands in my hair.

"Jay, babe, I need you to relax for me. Lay your shoulders back- there we go- now take slower breaths with me." Caine's chest expands evenly against my back. I find myself mimicking him after a few unsuccessful attempts, and after a while, my eyes stop spinning. Followed by less painful inhales and quieting nausea. "Good job. Just keep breathing with me."

Once I've calmed down, Caine wastes no time kissing up and down my neck and cheeks to keep me sated. He rubs at my shoulders soothingly. Sighing heavily, I snuggle up to his chest, my body laying sideways now with my head on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I nod. "Did the massage help?" Again, I nod. "Can you tell me what set you off?"

"No." I choke. I don't want to voice my fears just yet. "But, I'm okay with moving in. There are just some things that scare me."

"That's understandable." We stay quiet for a while, Caine just petting me and the sun making its descent. Eventually though, he speaks up. "Would you agree to sign a contract with me?"

It takes a while for the words to process, until I finally umderstand what he's asking. I nod my heavy head and meet his soft eyes. "I would love to."

The biggest grin I've seen him wear forms on Caine's face. The joy is infectous; my lips curl upwards too.

"Awesome! So if you're not busy tomorrow, we could meet here to sign the contract. We can have lunch or dinner, whichever you prefer, and just get to know each other more. Is that okay?"

"That's perfect. Thank you so much."

"My pleas-" A loud, obnoxious growl interupts the middle of his sentence. A pink tint crawls its way up my cheeks.

"I am so, sorry." I giggle. Caine chuckles behind me.

"Let's eat some food!"

"Agreed."

___________________________________

The house is quiet when I come back. Nobody is in the kitchen, Lola is cleaning as usual. Just as I ask where Aaron and Gabbie are, the wind gets knocked out of me by a small body as high as my stomach. Gabbie squeezes the life out of me, sputtering out words I can't understand. I smile with fondness; we haven't talked to each other since yesterday night.

"Hey baby girl! I missed you!" I bend down on one knee and pet her hair just how she likes.

"M-miss-missed you Jay!"

"Me too baby. What did you do while I was gone?"

"Draw. W-we saw ducks." Gabbie hops up and down but I can see how tired she looks. They must have had a full day today.

"Really? Where?"

"Park."

"And you had fun?" She nods. I lay a hand on Gabbie's cheek to have her attention on me. I hesitate for a few moments before confessing some new changes. "Listen baby girl, I- we're going to be doing some things differently from now on." We settle on the couch to talk. "Me and you are going to be living in a new place with a new person for a while. We won't see mommy anymore either." Gabbie's eyes start to water; her chin wrinkles and she gives me the most heart wrenching pout I've ever seen.

"Mommy gone?" She cries.

"No sweetie. She is at home but -but- mommy is being...bad right now." A few tears of my own slip down my cheeks. God, this is hard. "So a new friend is going to take care of us."

"A-Aaron?"

"No. His name is Caine. Can you say that? C-ai-ne."

"S-sayen."

"Almost baby." I sweep her hair from her forehead and tuck it behind her ear. Gabbie's big eyes shine with tears.

"You'll meet him tomorrow."

"Okay." She sniffles.

"Thank you baby." I turn my attention elsewhere for a moment. "Lola?" The lady puts down a feather duster. "Could you please watch Gabbie the rest of the night?"

"Of course sweetness. Come on missy, let's go eat and get ready for bed." Gabbie hops off the couch and runs to take her hand.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Are you hungry? Did you eat?"

"I ate, thanks. Do you know where Aaron is?"

"Upstairs in the bedroom." She smiles.

"Thanks again. Goodnight." I give my little sister a hug before heading upstairs.

"Goodnight Jay." I hear her say.

The rest of the night proves to be easy. My mood is a little better now that some things are out in the open, but that doesn't mean I get anxious when Aaron notices the lack of a chain around my neck and says nothing about it.

We discuss our new plans for ourselves; Aaron is going to restart his training at the club and widen his perspective on BDSM. I tell him about Caine and our new arrangement.

He took it well, surprisingly.

And now, we just lay in bed, basking in our last moments together. I initiate a kiss which turns into one more and then another. Aaron cradles my cheek, taking everything slow like the first night we played. There is no such thing as space as we lay there, wrapped up tight in each other's arms and locking lips like distressed lovers. After a while we start to pant.

Aaron lays me on my back, still kissing me, and runs warm hands up my chest. He lifts the shirt over my head and kisses all the way up my abdomen, landing on my neck. He sucks wherever he feels a pulse and then licks the same are. A burning sensation gives way to extacy below my navel as he continues the foreplay.

Aaron strokes over my shorts. He pulls them down slowly, taking my boxers along with them and then rubs my thighs. I part them wider, biting my lip whenever he gets close.

Before we start anything else, Aaron rids himself of his jeans, boxers, and t-shirt.

"I love you." He confesses. "Let me worship your body one last time." He strokes my hard length with a lust filled gaze, mixed with passion and yearning.

I moan as he dips down and starts licking from base to tip. His tongue is hot, his small pants along my shaft making me moan. Full, pink lips wrap themself around the tip, slowly massaging and sinking down the rest of me. Aaron swallows me whole.

"God...." I pant. I claw at the bedsheets, sheer pleasure running through my body.

Aaron bobs up and down, each time sucking harder and harder. Two of his fingers make it inside me, lubed and slick. A louder, more desperate moan escapes my lips. Just feeling him suck me is enough to make me sensitive, but adding onto that with fingers makes me crazy. And the way he's pumping me so slowly...

"Aaron, please." He hums and I buck off the sheets. "Please. I need you." My lover rises one last time; he lets go with a loud pop. I sigh in relief.

He leans down to kiss me again, full of want and need, rolling on a condom and smearing lube over himself. I moan into his mouth as he slides in steady, my legs shaking uncontrollably.

"Look at you. So beautiful." He pants. My length just grows harder at that, pre ejaculate smearing our stomachs. Aaron thrusts shallowly but then progresses faster.

"I love you." I pant. I feel so full with him in me like this, so relaxed and hot.

"Ah fuck-" Skin slapping skin is the only noise I hear for a few moments before he slows back down to a steadier pace.

Those gorgeous lips work their magic again; my chest tingles with pleasure, each side getting equal attention and licks. Aaron pumps me with his free hand, the other massaging my scalp.

It won't be long until we both climax.

"God...Aaron. I can't- Fuck!" He only thrusts harder and pumps faster.

"Come with me baby." He pants. We lock lips again and I scream in absolute ecstasy when my orgasm finally takes place, back arching, skin smacking, and long ropes of ejaculate painting our torsos white. Aaron's hips stutter and he finally climaxes as well, body coming to a standstill inside me.

I'm hardly conscience during the cleanup. The only I remember is being hugged close and falling into a much needed sleep.

 

Jay

"It's really something I should be over by now. But it's still something that... that really scares me." I set the mug down. Cafine will only get me more excited when talking about this and I'd rather not get hysterical. Again. "When I was young, my father died. He died because some people in our community didn't agree with how we, I, acted. Things were fine until one day, I did something stupid. I gave into temptation...for a guy in my class.

His dad found out." I pause there, finding my hands shaking; I place one on the back of my neck, where a small bruise that never healed is. I've never told Aaron about this bruise; he doesn't need to know. I look up at Perry, grateful for the patience he is giving me.

"My dad and Tom got into a fight. He died, my dad. Tom went to jail. We moved." I spit out the rest in a bitter summary, swallowing back the huge lump in my throat. My head feels hot, most of the tension toward the front and around my temples. I massage them both for relief. Perry moves toward me. He doesn't touch me or question my silence at all, he just sits there.

"I can't take it anymore." I whisper. Some tears fall down my cheeks; they are hot and sting from being bottled up for so long. "My mom drinks now. She doesn't want to take care of Gabbie for an entirely new reason so I look over her instead. She has autism...and so innocent and naive. She still asks for mom to sit at the table with us during dinner." My breathing starts to hicup and steady lines of tears follow, dripping down my nose and chin. "I haven't slept. I never feel like eating. I feel...I feel like like crap all the time." A bitter smile follows. "I feel like I'm disappointing Aaron with all my problems."

"Last night he confronted me about it when he picked me up, the same day I decided that staying at home wouldn't be...wouldn't be safe anymore. We talked it over a bit and came up with a plan. Well Aaron did and I agreed. He thinks- I think- no, we both think that it would be good to try a heavier version of our lifestyle, but we need to clear up some obstacles first. Trust and faith...." A long, defeated sigh escapes my lips and I find that talking is no longer an option for me. My torso hunches over, head collapsing into my hands. I quake and shiver all over, giving pathetic wails as the tears become thicker with time. Something cold touches my chest at some point; circular and small. The promise ring that Aaron gave to me bumps against my chest every few hiccups. I touch the object, mostly because of regret but also because of love. Aaron deserves more than this, more than me.

After a while the crying stops. I notice that Perry is closer than before now and rubbing my back. He looks...mad. "S-sorry." I stutter. "Don't be mad, I'm sorry." Perry snaps out of whatever he was thinking and shakes his head in apology. His shoulders droop and a disappointed look paints over his dark eyes.

"I'm not mad. Not at you at least." He pauses a moment, hesistating. "Jay. Are you familiar with sub-drop?" The sun is at full peak now, bathing Perry in a white light. His salt and pepper hair glazes over and looks silver.

I wipe at my eyes and sniffle. My head shakes 'no'.

"Sub-drop is a form of depression where people develope uncertain feelings or doubts about anything or anyone that they might have trouble interacting with. Nothing traumatic needs to happen and sometimes the symptoms are unnoticeable, but the affect is usually the same. Anxiety, restlessness, having trouble making decisions, dissapointment in yourself- the list goes on."

"You think I have it." Stated more as an observation more than question, I grimace at how medical that sounded. Sub-drop isn't a disease. But as I look back to when Aaron and I started playing in the bedroom, more and more instances where sub-drop might have occured stick out like red flags in my face. The night that mom attacked Gabbie with a ceramic shard I contemplated calling Aaron to pick us up. Mom cut the phone lines and Gabbie and I left to a motel instead. I had a panic attack the next morning.

Then sometime during the first semester of college, I wanted to celebrate with Aaron when my grades came back but remembered how much more studying needed to be done. My body was itching for reassurance but I couldn't bear to ask for help.

"I believe so, yes. And I'll be honest with you Jay, there are a lot of alarms going off in my head that demand attention immediately." Perry sighs. I notice how careful he is being with me to avoid any offense. "The first thing I would like to address is how disappointed I am in Aaron for not taking care of this sooner. We talked a bit earlier and he has told me that you have been togeter for a year and playing for ten months. I understand that you don't see each other as often as you would like and that is understandable. But choosing to play around and sweep everything else under the rug regarding your emotional distress ignores every possible rule in a D/S contract. I also understand that your necklace, although a catalyst in building trust between you two, is not a suitable collar." I nod; a collar is somethinf that I've been wanting...aching for for a long time. Having my right to having one being denied was like a slap to the face, but I never told Aaron about it. We just swept it under the rug like we normally do.

"So. What I would like to do- with your permission of course- is put a temporary hold on your relationship with Aaron for a while until you get over the sub-drop." My heart plummets into my stomach, rendering me immobile and pausing all brain function. Perry wants to take him away?!

Before I can protest he holds up a hand and resumes speaking. "You will be able to see him whenever you would like, but it would just delay your recovery time. I know a lot of good people who are specialized in dealing with sub-drop and have more than enougb background with power play in your area. I think it would be beneficial to take some time for yourself to gain a fresh, new perspective on what you feel like you need. I'll be blunt with you Jay, Aaron has proved to me that he is not a capable dominant. There is no need for anyone else to get hurt. You both need to take a break."

I sit there, eyebrows furrowed. Part of me wants to protest but a greater portion screams 'Yes! This is what you need!'. I can't help but yearn to be happy again. Gaabie is growing up, I want to be there for her. "When would I...how soon can we start?" I find myself asking.

Perry smiles reassuringly. "As soon as you're able. But you don't need to decide now, there's no rush."

"No. I need this." My hand lingers on the necklace on my neck. I unhook the clasp; immediately I feel lighter. I realize that having it on- even though it has barely been one night- has brought on a foreign heaviness. The necklace has only been adding onto rhe guilt and depression, rather than give me an incentiv to be better. "I can't do this." My words become thick, they slur together like something bitter settled on my tongue.

"Okay." Perry answers after a while. "Do you have anywhere to be right now? Am I holding you up?"

"No. Uh, classes are cancelled for the rest of the week. They want us to study for our finals."

"We have plenty of time then. Would you come with me for a few hours?"

"Where?"

"We should get a head start on this, assuming you want to start asap. I haven't told you this yer but I am a part time doctor at a club Aaron used to train at. I know some good people that can help you out."

I twist my lips this way and that, wringing my hands together. Clubs are something that Aaron and I never got around to or discussed. Maybe because he felt possessive and didn't want people looking at me, but it would be nice to know others who are into the lifestyle anyway.  
A quiet click sounds in the room; a rush of cool air comes bareling in past the curtains. Perry draws them back slightly to let some sunlight in, pusing the window the rest of the way open. I walk over to him like a moth drawn to a flame and peer outside. A small but well kept garden sits a few feet away from the window. The grass is a mossy green, two large oak trees rest on either side of the perimeter. Marigolds of ever color intertwine with some dainty white plants; they form a circle around another ring of roses, and finally tulips. In the very center is a small pond with stones outlining the edges. Some birds fly by occasionally, a few of them landing in the oak trees and spreading seeds along the grass. I sigh, basking in the warmth, and wonder how I got here. Life was easy before highschool. We were fine in our country town home twenty minutes from school and downtown. I hate how my sexuality was just enough to turn everyone against us; we should've been fine.

But we aren't.

"Are you okay?" Perry hums. He notices my displeasure and rakes a hand through my hair.

"I have hatred." I sigh. Tension melts away in my shoulders and neck, allowing them to sag toward the floor. "I don't want to say what about."

"That's okay. You did very good opening up to me; my empathy for others always manages to allow me a different perspective in these situations. Like the bruise on your neck, I can tell that it's still a fresh reminder of whatever happened back then. Or the way you clutch onto that necklace; you want to get better and seem to be self motivated." Perry continues to comb through my hair while leading me back to the couch. He puts together a plate with his free hand with some fruit and a small cresent. The other items have gone cold.

"And these are the things I would like to enhance and heal while you are with someone else at some point. You're a good boy Jay; still young too and it looks like you have a good oppurtunity to turn things around."

I nod, sinking my teeth into cantelope and watermelon. I chew thoughtfully, feeling more energetic now that something is in my stomach. My mind goes through everything we've covered and I realize that I never gave him a specific reason for last night. I swallow the rest of the food on my plate and lick my lips.

"I'm not in love with change." Perry looks at me, not expecting my confession. "That's what set me off last night." He just nods. Perry finishes his meal and I help clean up the leftovers. I also take care of the bedroom I slept in on my arrival, and note that it hardly looks slept it. It might have had to do with me waking up in his arms but I don't comment. From then on, Perry and I freshen up, solacing in a nice shower and hygiene check. He makes a few calls as I finish up and then we leave.

The club we are headed to lay between my (old) house and college; a respectable distance from both areas. The building looks like a hotel, the exterior covered in glass and several feet tall. Perry guides inside past double doors and straight through the lobby where a rexeptionists desk lay. We don't speak during our ascent to the first floor, until we finally enter a room.

I stop in my tracks.

There are a lot of people. Stranege though, all I see are men. Tall men, short men, really buff ones, and others with adoringly lean bodies.

"This is the first floor of the club." Perry starts. "Masters and dominants usually mingle around with the submissives here. As you can see, there is a bar," he points to the left. "and some booths." To the right now. "This is generally the place you want to be if you're looking for someone to play with or just hang out."

"How does it work?"

"I'll let your dominant fill you in. His name is Caine and he's filled in with everything that's happened. But before I hand you to him, just know that I trust him 100 percent. He is very patient and understaning and easy to talk to. Or if you don't feel like talking then he knows how to make you comfortable."

"Okay." I nod.

"Great. Let's see, he should be," Perry draws out the last word, eyes searching through the crowd for Caine, "there!" Sitting alone at a small booth in the center lay a lean, six foot tall man with chestnut hair and green eyes. He's reading a book titled Jane Eyre and laying back on the cushions of his seat. A cute smile lay on his lip as he scans the pages. Perry leads me toward him, grinning from ear to ear when Caine gets and up hugs him. I wonder how close they are and stand there awkwardly.

"Nice to meet you. My name is Caine!" He greets. A large hand reaches out; I feel myself smiling.  
"Likewise. I'm Jay."

"I'll leave you two. Good luck Jay. I mean it." Perry smiles. He hands me a box before his departure, telling me that it's a phone for me to have until I buy a new one. Aaron paid for it. My smile falters but not before I thank him for everything. Finally, Perry leaves the crowd, and I'm alone.

Caine gestures for me to sit down. He asks if I want anything to eat or drink; I just shake my head. My heart pounds away in my chest; a thrill of apprehension starts to make my palms sweaty. Before I know it, they are wrapped up in two larger ones and the shaking stops. I look at Caine in the eye in confusion.

"It's okay to be nervous." He soothes. "Have you ever been to a place like this?"

"No. My previous partner and I never... tried it."

"Would you be more comfortable somewhere quieter?"

Here comes the anxiety.

"N-no. We could stay?" The words fall out of my mouth before I can think them through. I swallow, averting my gaze.

"Okay." Caine squeezes his hands over mine and I feel myself relaxing. "We can just talk then. I'd like to get to know you."

"Well, I'm 21. I'm studying to be a podiatrist at UC and..." I shrug. What else do I tell him that he doesn't already know?

"Hobbies?"

"Oh, um. Singing, drawing, running. And taking care of Gabbie. I never do much of that other stuff anymore, there's no time. But I don't mind. I love her."

"Gabbie is your sister?"

"Yeah. She's six and has autism. She's super cute, she loves to draw and play with the other kids at school." My lips start to curl into a relaxed smile. I wonder if she's okay right now with Aaron.

A momentary pause follows, Caine locks eyes with me, expression going serious for a moment. "Perry told me about your situation. How are you holding up?" Around us, the noise gets louder, people getting off work coming here to unload. It's getting harder to talk over the crowd so I request moving somewhere else. Caine and I end up two floors higher above the bar. A long hallway of doors greets us as we round the corner. Caine holds my hand all the way to his room, stopping at a cream colored door encrusted with gold plating for the room number.

"This is my room here most of the time. If we sign a contract then this is where you will also stay." Caine says. He sets his key card on the dressers and draws the curtains. I sit on the large, maple wood bed layered with pastel orange sheets. The last part of his sentence sticks with me as I remove my shoes.

"If?"

"Look Jay, I don't want to push you into anything you don't want. Whether or not we start something is completely your decision." He says, lowering onto the bed with me. He isn't wrong though.

"I understand." I say. "But just for the record, I'm not going to have any doubts about this. I want to sign a contract with you if I feel like you can help me." Caine nods his head, smiling. I huff, deciding to continue our earlier conversation. "So you wanted to know how I was- am- doing." Somehow, my bottom lip ends up between my teeth; Caine pulls it back gently with his thumb. I blush a little. "I'm okay. It's the same thing I told Perry. I feel insecure, anxious, tired. Just this giant ball of tension you know?"

"Whenever you feel like that, how do you normally cope?"

"Well, if Aaron's not with me then I focus on Gabbie more than normal. I clean or study too. Sometimes all three."

"And with Aaron?"

"I...lie. I tell him that I'm fine, I get in trouble, we make up, and then the cycle repeats."

"If we were to be together, what would I be able to do to help you relax?"

"Relax? Uh, I like to be held or kissed- not always on the lips- my dad used to sing to me whenever I couldn't sleep. Or reading." Caine surprises me when he grabs my biceps and pulls me close to him. My back lay on his chest now, our legs tangled together and his arms in a circle around my waist. I sigh and let myself relax into his hold.

"Like this?"

"Just like this."

"And if none of these options work would I have your permission to take things into my own hands?"

"What would do?" I tense again, suddenly wary. Caine rubs my chest and back soothingly.

"I might give you a small scene involving a little bit of pain- with no marking or fluids being drawn- or meditation to help you calm down." Caine is quick to reassure me when I start to pull out of his hold.

"Then yes. Those sound okay."

"That's good to know. Also, is there anything specific you're into. Pet play? Age regression? Edge play?"

"Anything works for me. Except, how far back would I go during age regression?"

"As far as you're comfortable with."

"Okay."

"Just one more thing and then I'll tell you about myself." I gesture for him to continue. "How often would you be able to see me?"

Oh.

I can't even give a definitive answer yet because right now, I'm homeless. I don't have an apartment yet and I can't be with Aaron. My relatives don't live here either.

"Jay?" Caine coos. I notice that I've gone silent and my hands have started trembling again. I close my eyes momentarily to rein myself back in.

"I don't have anywhere to live right now. Me and Aaron, we can't- it's not- we shouldn't see each other for a while."

Caine stays silent. I know he knows about my mom being unstable right now and that I can't stay there. He sits up straighter along the headboard, pulling me with him. He bends his leg and then crosses them at the ankles, then rests his chin on my shoulder, hugging me close.

"I have condo not too far from here with some spare rooms. If you feel comfortable with it, you could stay with me."

"Easy, we'll take care of her."

"No! Not easy, Aaron. I can't just be expected to move in with you!"

I gasp, jolting us both. Would that really work? I can't just move in so suddenly. That's something new, it's gonna change Gabbie's routine. What if she gets scared? What if something happens to Caine that he gets caught up in?

The painting on the wall starts to sway back and forth, the sun suddenly too bright. My chest expands and falters at great lengths. Something fuzzy rubs my brain the wrong way and suddenly I'm lightheaded. I flinch back when something heavy lands in my hair.

"Jay, babe, I need you to relax for me. Lay your shoulders back- there we go- now take slower breaths with me." Caine's chest expands evenly against my back. I find myself mimicking him after a few unsuccessful attempts, and after a while, my eyes stop spinning. Followed by less painful inhales and quieting nausea. "Good job. Just keep breathing with me."

Once I've calmed down, Caine wastes no time kissing up and down my neck and cheeks to keep me sated. He rubs at my shoulders soothingly. Sighing heavily, I snuggle up to his chest, my body laying sideways now with my head on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I nod. "Did the massage help?" Again, I nod. "Can you tell me what set you off?"

"No." I choke. I don't want to voice my fears just yet. "But, I'm okay with moving in. There are just some things that scare me."

"That's understandable." We stay quiet for a while, Caine just petting me and the sun making its descent. Eventually though, he speaks up. "Would you agree to sign a contract with me?"

It takes a while for the words to process, until I finally umderstand what he's asking. I nod my heavy head and meet his soft eyes. "I would love to."

The biggest grin I've seen him wear forms on Caine's face. The joy is infectous; my lips curl upwards too.

"Awesome! So if you're not busy tomorrow, we could meet here to sign the contract. We can have lunch or dinner, whichever you prefer, and just get to know each other more. Is that okay?"

"That's perfect. Thank you so much."

"My pleas-" A loud, obnoxious growl interupts the middle of his sentence. A pink tint crawls its way up my cheeks.

"I am so, sorry." I giggle. Caine chuckles behind me.

"Let's eat some food!"

"Agreed."

___________________________________

The house is quiet when I come back. Nobody is in the kitchen, Lola is cleaning as usual. Just as I ask where Aaron and Gabbie are, the wind gets knocked out of me by a small body as high as my stomach. Gabbie squeezes the life out of me, sputtering out words I can't understand. I smile with fondness; we haven't talked to each other since yesterday night.

"Hey baby girl! I missed you!" I bend down on one knee and pet her hair just how she likes.

"M-miss-missed you Jay!"

"Me too baby. What did you do while I was gone?"

"Draw. W-we saw ducks." Gabbie hops up and down but I can see how tired she looks. They must have had a full day today.

"Really? Where?"

"Park."

"And you had fun?" She nods. I lay a hand on Gabbie's cheek to have her attention on me. I hesitate for a few moments before confessing some new changes. "Listen baby girl, I- we're going to be doing some things differently from now on." We settle on the couch to talk. "Me and you are going to be living in a new place with a new person for a while. We won't see mommy anymore either." Gabbie's eyes start to water; her chin wrinkles and she gives me the most heart wrenching pout I've ever seen.

"Mommy gone?" She cries.

"No sweetie. She is at home but -but- mommy is being...bad right now." A few tears of my own slip down my cheeks. God, this is hard. "So a new friend is going to take care of us."

"A-Aaron?"

"No. His name is Caine. Can you say that? C-ai-ne."

"S-sayen."

"Almost baby." I sweep her hair from her forehead and tuck it behind her ear. Gabbie's big eyes shine with tears.

"You'll meet him tomorrow."

"Okay." She sniffles.

"Thank you baby." I turn my attention elsewhere for a moment. "Lola?" The lady puts down a feather duster. "Could you please watch Gabbie the rest of the night?"

"Of course sweetness. Come on missy, let's go eat and get ready for bed." Gabbie hops off the couch and runs to take her hand.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Are you hungry? Did you eat?"

"I ate, thanks. Do you know where Aaron is?"

"Upstairs in the bedroom." She smiles.

"Thanks again. Goodnight." I give my little sister a hug before heading upstairs.

"Goodnight Jay." I hear her say.

The rest of the night proves to be easy. My mood is a little better now that some things are out in the open, but that doesn't mean I get anxious when Aaron notices the lack of a chain around my neck and says nothing about it.

We discuss our new plans for ourselves; Aaron is going to restart his training at the club and widen his perspective on BDSM. I tell him about Caine and our new arrangement.

He took it well, surprisingly.

And now, we just lay in bed, basking in our last moments together. I initiate a kiss which turns into one more and then another. Aaron cradles my cheek, taking everything slow like the first night we played. There is no such thing as space as we lay there, wrapped up tight in each other's arms and locking lips like distressed lovers. After a while we start to pant.

Aaron lays me on my back, still kissing me, and runs warm hands up my chest. He lifts the shirt over my head and kisses all the way up my abdomen, landing on my neck. He sucks wherever he feels a pulse and then licks the same are. A burning sensation gives way to extacy below my navel as he continues the foreplay.

Aaron strokes over my shorts. He pulls them down slowly, taking my boxers along with them and then rubs my thighs. I part them wider, biting my lip whenever he gets close.

Before we start anything else, Aaron rids himself of his jeans, boxers, and t-shirt.

"I love you." He confesses. "Let me worship your body one last time." He strokes my hard length with a lust filled gaze, mixed with passion and yearning.

I moan as he dips down and starts licking from base to tip. His tongue is hot, his small pants along my shaft making me moan. Full, pink lips wrap themself around the tip, slowly massaging and sinking down the rest of me. Aaron swallows me whole.

"God...." I pant. I claw at the bedsheets, sheer pleasure running through my body.

Aaron bobs up and down, each time sucking harder and harder. Two of his fingers make it inside me, lubed and slick. A louder, more desperate moan escapes my lips. Just feeling him suck me is enough to make me sensitive, but adding onto that with fingers makes me crazy. And the way he's pumping me so slowly...

"Aaron, please." He hums and I buck off the sheets. "Please. I need you." My lover rises one last time; he lets go with a loud pop. I sigh in relief.

He leans down to kiss me again, full of want and need, rolling on a condom and smearing lube over himself. I moan into his mouth as he slides in steady, my legs shaking uncontrollably.

"Look at you. So beautiful." He pants. My length just grows harder at that, pre ejaculate smearing our stomachs. Aaron thrusts shallowly but then progresses faster.

"I love you." I pant. I feel so full with him in me like this, so relaxed and hot.

"Ah fuck-" Skin slapping skin is the only noise I hear for a few moments before he slows back down to a steadier pace.

Those gorgeous lips work their magic again; my chest tingles with pleasure, each side getting equal attention and licks. Aaron pumps me with his free hand, the other massaging my scalp.

It won't be long until we both climax.

"God...Aaron. I can't- Fuck!" He only thrusts harder and pumps faster.

"Come with me baby." He pants. We lock lips again and I scream in absolute ecstasy when my orgasm finally takes place, back arching, skin smacking, and long ropes of ejaculate painting our torsos white. Aaron's hips stutter and he finally climaxes as well, body coming to a standstill inside me.

I'm hardly conscience during the cleanup. The only I remember is being hugged close and falling into a much needed sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am BEGGING you guys to comment! I would really appreciate some feedback or corrections on grammar to make this story better for everyone. Please help me out guys!
> 
> Love,  
> OtakuDreams


	11. Character Profile

I put together a small profile for all of the characters in this book. As time goes on, I'll be adding onto it and I'll give some pictures too if I can find people who look similar to them. I also fixed up one of the timelines concerning Gabbie.

_**Jay:** _   
_**-21, born December 3, 1995** _   
_**-5'5** _   
_**-pale skin, dark brown eyes, brunette, pink lips** _   
_**-studying to be a podiatrist** _

_**￼[This is Jay](https://www.google.com/search?q=college+boys+with+brown+hair+and+eyes&client=ms-android-metropcs-us&prmd=inv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiayM7vu8zNAhVIJiYKHacHC_4Q_AUICCgB#imgrc=hSi6wY0lPJaPWM%3A)** _

_**Gabbie:** _   
_**-6, born June 7, 2009** _   
_**-autistic** _   
_**-slight ADHD** _   
_**-fair skin, blue eyes, blonde hair** _

_**￼[This is Gabbie](https://www.google.com/search?q=six+year+old+girls+with+blonde+gair+and+blue+eyes&oq=six+year+old+girls+with+blonde+gair+and+blue+eyes&aqs=chrome..69i57.11229j0j4&client=ms-android-metropcs-us&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#imgrc=xzc0q7AAqxrphM%3A)** _

_**Christina:** _   
_**-44, born May 27, 1972** _   
_**-5'5** _   
_**-fair skin, blonde hair, brown eyes** _   
_**-widow** _   
_**-now owns several manufacturing companies and is still progressing** _

_**￼[This is Christina](https://www.google.com/search?q=women+with+blonde+hair+and+brown+eyes&client=ms-android-metropcs-us&prmd=inv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiNwrzlvMzNAhVKTSYKHUb5CucQ_AUICCgB&biw=320&bih=452#imgrc=ppE94wXD2TFGgM%3A)** _

_**Aaron:** _   
_**-30, born May 30, 1986** _   
_**-6'0** _   
_**-tan skin, light brown hair, brown eyes** _   
_**-creative fiction novelist** _

_**Lola:** _   
_**U/N** _

_**Perry:** _   
_**-40, born September 1, 1976** _   
_**-6'3** _   
_**-tanned skin, dark brown eyes, salt and pepper hair** _   
_**-tattoos along his arms** _   
_**-works as a full time doctor outside and a part time doctor at the club, "Glass Pyramid"** _

_**￼[This is Perry](https://www.google.com/search?q=men+with+salt+and+pepper+hair&client=ms-android-metropcs-us&prmd=ivsn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj58PDErszNAhVHy2MKHdoqAfQQ_AUICCgB&biw=320&bih=452&dpr=1.5#tbm=isch&q=men+with+curly+salt+and+pepper+hair&imgdii=SLx0WPiXydQMpM%3A%3B_p1qYG9LluNsVM%3A%3B_p1qYG9LluNsVM%3A&imgrc=_p1qYG9LluNsVM%3A)** _

_**Caine- pronounced (S~a~ne):** _   
_**-29, born August 14, 1987** _   
_**-6'0** _   
_**-tanned skin, chestnut hair, green eyes** _   
_**-owns several surboard shops, expert in business management** _   
_**-spends his free time at the "Glass Pyramid"** _

_**￼[This is Caine](https://www.google.com/search?q=male+models+with+chestnut+hair+and+green+eyes&client=ms-android-metropcs-us&biw=320&bih=452&prmd=inv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi1quO7vczNAhUIKCYKHYf1BJUQ_AUICCgB#imgrc=MDcKqh7HZ1FCCM%3A)** _

 


	12. Seal the Deal (With a Kiss of Course)

Today is the day.

Today is the day that I say goodbye to Aaron, that I leave my house to move in with someone I hardly know, and sign my life over (temporarily) to said person. There is so much change happening all at once that it's dizzying. I want to hide, sort of, but I also feel excited.

_The dog days are over_   
_The dog days are done_

And I can't wait to get to work. Aaron and I took our time waking up this morning, sitting down for a nice breakfast with Gabbie and organizing some things for my departure. We ended up calling Caine around noon so we could have an extra set of hands moving my things from home to his place.

I greet him at the door to my house, dressed in loose blue jeans and a salmon top. He stands there with his hands tucked casually into his shorts pockets, smile as bright as ever and green eyes sparkling.

"Hey!" He greets.

"Hi. Thanks for coming to help out."

"No problem. Today's the day, huh?" I stand aside and gesture for Caine to enter. He clearly has enough respect to not just barge into the house unlike most of my old friends. It makes me wonder where he was raised since he's so polite.

"Yeah..." I trail off. Just like last night, butterflies are fluttering around in my stomach, wreaking havoc. Caine takes my hand in his; our fingers interlace on contact. He places a chaste kiss on my forehead.

"This is a good step in the right direction. I'm proud of you." I blush at his praise, leading us to the stairs. I can hear shuffling around in my room, which means Aaron has started packing.

My heart is palpitating at a dangerous rate right now. I really hope he's okay with this.

"Hi! You must be Caine." Aaron sets down a cardboard box on my bed and extends a hand in greeting. Caine takes it with his free hand and smiles. He doesn't look nervous and neither does Aaron.

Am I the only one who finds this awkward?

"That's my name. You're Aaron right?"

"Yeah."

"Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." They hold each other's hand in a strong grip; my senses tell me that there will be an overload of testerone soon so I clear my throat and smile to both of them.

"Uh, Caine. Could you start packing all the bathroom stuff into a small box if it's no trouble? Just not the towels or rags."

One of his knuckles pop when he lets go of Aaron's hand. He nods and retrieves a box from the bed and excuses himself. I give a nervous smile to Aaron, deciding to let him finish his territory.

Wait.

"Where is Gabbie? She was just here."

"Outside in the backyard. She said she wanted to play."

I sigh in relief. "Okay."

Down the hall to the right is her room, also adjacent to the door to the attic. I place my hand on the silver knob, suddenly forelorn. This room will definitely be a big clean up job, which is why I'm starting on it now; mom probably never cleaned up the mess she left in there. But she wouldn't leave dad's bookcase on the floor like that. Would she? It's too precious to leave lying around for dust to collect, especially since the wood is prone to damage easily. But she might have gotten angry enough to leave it there....

I stand in a daze, doorknob resting beneathe my fingers, still contemplating whether or not to enter. Eventually I twist the knob and swing the entryway open. Some toys jump and scatter on impact, spreading a thin layer of dust everywhere.

The room is exactly how I left it.

I groan, suddenly drained. The wood is still shattered, books are in every crack and crevice  as well as her toys. Most of them are damaged, but the salvageable ones rest in her toy chest in the corner of the room next to her bed. I decide to pull that out first, carrying the heavy box into the hallway. I set it down with a _thump,_ sighing as I release its weight.

Drawings, paintings, photos, and books are all packed in a cardboard box. Thumb tacks nailing some posters to the wall get tossed into a plastic bag and any other trash is dumped in a garbage bag. All of Gabbie's clothes get packed with mine to save space, and finally, her favorite blanket as well. All there is left is the bookcase, which I have carefully avoided.

"Jay." Caine and Aaron call. I startle and whip my head around. Caine looks at me with worry. Aaron gives me a look of understanding.

"Are you okay? I didn't hear anything fall." Big, tanned muscle catches my hand again. Caine squeezes and looks at me. This man is always worrying about me....

"Oh. This was already-"

"You have gloves right? Are they in the back?" Aaron interrupts, wearing an unreadable expression on his face.

"Mhm. In the toolshed." My voice is strangely empty. "Gabbie knows."

"Okay." I hear his boots stomp down the hallway, growing fainter and fainter. Did we make him uncomfortable?

Just as I bend down, Caine pulls me back to his chest. He quirks an eyebrow at me and says, "Splinters are a bitch, babe." I give him an unimpressed look and sigh.

"You're not gonna ask?"

"Go ahead and spill if you want to, but there's no pressure."

Then why am I so anxious? Why is my heart still going a mile a minute? And why are my palms dampening?  I wouldn't be so anxious if there _weren't_   any pressure. I feel like Caine is just...I don't know, but he's doing something and it's screwing with my head. The hand he's holding for instance; mine is no longer trembling. The fatigue I felt just a few moments ago; gone. Is this some, some strange power that all dominants have?

"I know that look." How, if Caine has only known me one day? "If you're feeling anxious Jay, just tell me." I lick my lips, finding myself wanting something so simple that it would be embarrassing to ask; I _am_ anxious, I really am and that's the problem. And the only other person to deal with my anxieties beside Caine is Aaron. The day of the false car accident, he kissed me. Would kissing work at a time like this?

My mouth is moving before my brain even gets the chance of processing such a request. " I know we haven't signed a contract yet but, could you...can we-" Caine silences me with a kiss, but on the lips this time, causing my eyes to drift shut. He came in gently and only allowed our lips to touch; nothing too intimate to my relief.

"Jay? I got the...gloves." Aaron is gaping at us in the door frame, gloves hanging limply at his side. A blank expression paints his glassy eyes but there is a telltale tint of red on his cheeks.

 One is really all I needed but Caine gives me an extra for good measure. Just as I predicted, all of my anxieties melt away on impact.

We pull apart and stare at each other. My eyes grow as big as saucers.

Oh my God....

"Shit." I hiss, feeling a new type of panic.

That was-

Did he just-

My God.

 _And..._ that's my cue.

"I'll be back." I shove my way out of Caine's grasp, striding quickly through the door. I run back to my room and lock myself in the bath suite where I go to for all my problems. I plant my ass on the toilet seat, head in hands.

He saw us.

Oh my God.

I know Aaron said he was okay with us being together temporarily but I never told him what Caine and I would be doing during that time. Hell, _I_  don't even know what we're doing. And the kiss sort of happened- actually no, I asked for it- but not on the lips!

The kiss felt good though, don't get me wrong. But it felt wrong at the same time. Is Aaron mad? What if they're fighting because I couldn't keep my selfish behaviors to myself?

I have _officially_ cheated on Aaron.

I'm not sure how it happens but somehow I end up tucking my knees to my chest and tugging at the roots of my hair. I might be panicking but there's no way to stop it with all the blood in my body roaring in my ears. Breathing proves to be a challenge, I can barley inhale past the fabric of my jeans.

In a daze, I swing the door open, exposing myself to the silent atmosphere. I race down the hall expecting to find Aaron arguing with Caine but-

They're just sitting there.

And cleaning up the bookcase.

My achy lungs indulge in a long exhale. The two snap their heads in my direction, both looking concerned. Aaron gives Caine a look I can't read; the green eyed dominant sets down a clump of wood. Caine gets to his feet, dusting off sawdust from his jeans.  The room is deadly quiet.

That is, until he speaks.

"Jay." His six foot tall stature towers above me; I feel small. "I know this is awkward for you but just know that Aaron is completely okay with us together. Intimacy is something that will happen eventually and I understand if you're not ready, but please don't run away next time. That way we can fix whatever is bothering you so you won't get anxious. Understand?"

I nod my head, feeling self conscious all of a sudden. "Yes sir." Strange, how those words just slipped out of my mouth. It was the same situation yesterday night while Caine and I were dining at the bar; we hugged a lot, he asked me questions, and I answered respectfully. Caine showered me with praise and somehow, the words "Thank you, Sir" just tumbled out of my mouth. They could have just been passed on as common courtesy since he is a dominant, but Caine and I both knew that wasn't the case.

My cheeks are pink again, I can just feel it.

"Good boy." He says.

 _And..._ there it is!

"Okay, back to work." I squeak. The book case still takes up a good part of the room and we need to get everything cleaned up before mom gets back. I don't know how she would react to seeing two strange men touching something this precious in her house like this, but I definitely don't want to find out. With my luck, she'll probably be drunk off her ass by the time the sun hits the horizon and swaying on her feet. It's a miracle how she hasn't crashed the car on the way home yet.

"So this was your dad's?" Aaron asks. He's been strangely quiet this whole time and I'm glad someone has filled the silence.

The wood clanks between my palms; I focus on the music it makes while nodding my head, but then realize that everyone has their head down. "Yes." I say. "He gave it to Gabbie as a present when she was born. He wanted her to read lots of books when she got older."

"Do you remember what the model looked like?"

"No. I never really looked at it much but..." I clear my throat, "but my mom probably remembers." Half of the shards have been picked up now, leaving some of the shelves and some residue. Caine shifts the trash bag closer, working dutifully.

"If she remembers, then I could always have someone restore it or make a new one."

I sigh and sit back on my heels. Caine ties up the trash bag and then covers it with an extra one so the wood won't stick anyone's skin. I can tell he's listening, definitely collecting information that I never told Perry. My personal life so far, belongs exclusively to the people who have known me longest; Gabbie and Aaron. Caine will just have to earn my trust just like everybody else.

Aaron is silent too; he removes the gloves finger by finger, looking at me.

_The Dog Days are over_   
_The Dog Days are gone_

My neck starts to ache some; the bruise feels like it's throbbing. "Aaron could you go check on Gabbie please?" Before I even finish my sentence he's out the door.

"Should I feel guilty for kicking him out like that?"

Caine comes back to me, shaking his head. His spiky hair tickles my forehead, a scent of fresh mint flooding my nose. "It was a sensitive question. I'm familiar with people being attached to their boards, so I'm sure the same is for your mom." For the first time I feel at ease with my doubts. There aren't any excessive questions popping up every second replacing the last one and restarting a new cycle. This is how I know Caine will do the job just right with me. He's like my own little tranquilizer.

"Have you made a final copy of the contract?" I break away from our embrace before we stick there like glue. I make up Gabbie's bed and then draw the curtains, making the room as clean as I can.

"I sure did. It should cover everything that you asked me to note, but if something changes we could always add on."

"Perfect." I bet that Perry will be happy to know I've signed a contract with Caine. This makes me wonder what Aaron will be doing while I'm gone. Will he take on new subs or train privately with someone?

"Anything else to pack?" I shake my head at him.

"No. We got everything."

"Okay. Let me take these boxes down to the car. I'll come back for more unless you want me to get started on your new room." He suggests.

"How far is the condo from here? I don't want you to take excessive trips."

"Actually, it's not a problem. But just to let you know, it's right down the street from the beach."

"Nice." Caine follows me down the hall with boxes in his arms. The bookcase can be disposed of whenever mom is ready. I stop in the door frame of my room and say, "There aren't many boxes. We should be able to do it in one trip."

"If you're sure."

"I am." I smile.

* * *

 

"Jay! Beach!" Gabbie presses her tiny face the window, tapping on it excitedly. Palm trees and blotches of sand line up down the road, coating the side walk. Gabbie and I stand together, her tiny hand clutching mine. We look beyond the floor to ceiling glass and take in the large expanse of ocean before our eyes. Some people are surfing, others playing volleyball, but the majority lay on towels just sunbathing. It's a beautiful day today, just as beautiful as Gabbie's smile.

"This weekend we can go." I promise. Gabbie snaps her tiny head around and nods furiously. It's been a long time since she was this enthusiastic about something. "Are you excited?"

"Y-y-yes! I w-want to see! Birdies there."

"But they poop everywhere, you silly girl." All I receive in response is her tongue sticking out a me. I decide to poke her tummy in our little debacle, causing Gabbie to retract her tongue and giggle. Her face freezes in an adorable smile as I lead the two of us back into the living room. Caine is in the kitchen right now, whipping up salmon and brown rice for dinner with a homemade pineapple sorbet for dessert.

When we arrived at his condo earlier, he was pretty understanding when I explained Gabbie's autism to him and that at times, she might be a handful. So, in compromise, the two of us tweaked the contract a little to adjust our schedules. I want to be able to spend time with Gabbie while I'm here with her, and not just focus on school or work or getting better; that would just be neglectful. Furthermore, I've already had to change her environment twice in less than two days and introduce her to new people. Gabbie is happy now, but later on I can expect an outburst.

"So Gabbie, I know that you may be excited now, but later on if you're feeling sad or angry then I need you to tell me. Okay? This is our new home for a little while so things might be scary at first." I lean back with her backside to my stomach, sinking into the soft leather cushions. Gabbie's heartbeat is all I feel in this noisy world so I decide to manipulate it, kissing the top of her head and nuzzling my chin into her cheek. Gabbie smiles in response.

"Okay. Is mommy- wait, is mommy- is s-she coming?" Gabbie stutters. I can hear the longing in her voice as she asks. She has always been the affection type, and that is never going to change.

I sigh, shaking my head 'no'. "No. We won't see mommy anymore." She should be home by now, as a matter of fact. I wonder if she saw our rooms yet, empty save for the beds. Would she care if she lost me too? Deep inside her, I know that mom is a loving woman and a huge caretaker. My allowance is always at full throttle and never once has she told me to move out with Gabbie, despite not liking her. So that should be a good sign right? I'll just have to wait until money stops coming in through the bank before I make any other decisions.

"Because she's bad?" God, she really knows how to break a man's heart. Of course she would remember what I told her.

"Yes?" She seems to take my half answer with satisfaction and doesn't say a word more. So I take the initiative in my hands and hug her passionately, as I haven't had the time to do in days. If my emotions were still running high, there's no doubt that I would be sobbing into her shirt right about 'now. But all I feel is happiness. "I love you Gabbie." More kisses upon her head and more tickles.

"I love y-you too!"

"Ooh! Group hug!" Caine barrels in through the living room, dodging plush chairs and another love seat before finally rounding the coffee table. Two steaming plates of food are set in front of us on a ray, along with two cups of water. My stomach growls loudly, making Caine and Gabbie laugh at me.

"Ugh, I haven't eaten since this morning." I groan. Just sniffing the food is causing my mouth to salivate; hunger pains from earlier this afternoon come back full force, and if it weren't for Gabbie sitting on my lap, I just might have doubled over. "Gabbie, couch." I patt the left side of the cushion to signal my girl to disengage. Gabbie plops ungracefully on her side, then crawls back up with her hands and stares at Caine. She gives him a long look through his eyes with a blank look.

"Hi! Thank you!" she beams. Caine gives a sigh of relief as if he were intimidated by Gabbie and returns the gesture.

"You are very welcome Gabbie. Let's dig in!"

"Yes!" I exclaim. Barely two seconds after dinner commences, three forkfuls of rice have made it into my mouth; I can taste something smoky in the seasoning, which might be paprika. Then a hint of , on, so there must be a citrus seasoning as well. The salmon looks downright perfect, a golden brown caramel encrusting the sides, and light pink taking up its mass. Butter, seasoning salt, garlic; then a garnish of tomatoes and bell peppers.

"Is it good?" Caine asks. I give him an eye roll; of course it's good!

"Are you a chef or something?"

He giggles, "No. But I do like to cook. Fish specifically, but I really should be tired of it by now since my life is practically the ocean."

"Ocean man?" Gabbie asks. Some melted butter is smeared on her cheek. She holds her fork like a spear and furrows her eyebrows. I decide that Gabbie is too cute for her own good.

"No sweetie, what I mean is: I see the ocean all the time. Like fishies and stuff."

"Ohhh."

"I promised her that we cold visit the beach this weekend. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course. But uh...." Caine pauses around a forkful of salmon and rice. Even after he swallows, no words come out of his mouth.

"What is it?" He just gives me a look that reads: _later_. I nod.

"So Gabbie, how old are you?"

"S-six."

"What do you like?"

"I want to eat." she states. To prove her point Gabbie shoves more food into her mouth. Caine and I giggle at the little Mrs..

"Alright, alright. Well after this you can have dessert if Jay says it's okay. Then I think bedtime might be a good idea." Caine summarizes her temporary night routine persuasively. I know that using an incentive like dessert before bedtime will definitely get Gabbie's attention. Usually it's, _'If you finish your dinner then you can have dissert but_ Caine has used the treat in order to lure her into bed, which I think is pretty clever. Maybe he's had experience with children before.

As promised we all receive dessert after dinner, much to Gabbie's delight. She had to stop in the middle of a few bites because the freezing cold sorbet just about froze her brain. None of our warnings could stop Gabbie from taking fast bites; and okay, I'm sorry, but it was a little funny. But now the laughter has died down into a quiet hum of serenity. The moon is out, bright and full, and shining over the neighboring ocean. Gabbie is tucked in bed, snoring softly, and all the lights are turned off save for the lamp in Caine's room. He tells me that this is where a fraction of our bonding will take place, such as the less extreme scenes and sometimes sleeping. His bed is a beautiful white wash wooden frame with peach fuzz sheets and matching pillows. The walls are a normal beige color; a big surfboard hangs on one side by the bathroom. Then of course, the ginormous window that gives me a view of the city.

"Beautiful huh?" Caine prompts. Soft carpet tickles my feet as I make way to his bed; he tugs me by the arm the rest of the way so that my body lay in the position Gabbie and I were in earlier, back to chest. I wonder if it's my heartbeat that he feels now against that tanned skin.

"Very." I answer. I take a moment to relax fully in his arms, ridding the fear of cheating on a certain someone. It will take time to get used to this feeling of another's arms around me, but in the meantime I would like to be acquainted. "Your home is beautiful too. I feel like I'm burdening you will all of these problems though." Caine lands a hand on my head and starts to rub my scalp. You can hear a soft scratching noise from his fingers rubbing against the skin.

"We might have a few obstacles along the way but other than that, all of your problems are welcome here. This condo, this room, is where I want you to express anything and everything that bothers you Jay. The whole reason you're here is to get better right? Well our first step is getting you used to being emotional. There are a lot of ways to do that, but if we go by the contract it seems that a little force might be necessary." His words stick like glue in my head; Aaron has never broken it down so simply before. "Stripping you down to your most basic and fundamental needs _will_ take time. Sub drop isn't something you can get over in just one night. Plus, there's the fact that you have school too and Gabbie also needs attention. So we'll try to be as flexible as possible with this."

"I have all of my finals this Friday and then I'm out of school." I support. For some reason that places a ball of dread in my heart. I haven't been studying like I should. Who says that my grades won't suffer because of my carelessness?

"Oh, that's good. Well at least we'll have a few couple days of practice putting you in stressful situations and coping with the outcome. Has Aaron ever gone over it this way before?" I answer in the negative. Bringing up Aaron just brings up a whole new negativity about this whole thing; maybe we took it too far. Maybe I just overacted the day he said he wanted our relationship to change. I could be kneeling at his feet right now, wearing a false collar and serving him. We could just skip through all the drama and just _be._

"Will we be going to the club again?"

"Eventually, yes."

"I don't want to be emotional around other people though...." I get more than enough anxiety just walking down the streets everyday.

"It's just your nerves. Don't worry, everybody is welcoming at the Glass Pyramid."

I start to crave more body contact between Caine and I so I shift positions, straddling his waist instead. I probably look like a koala right now with how cuddly I'm being.

"People are going to stare." This makes Caine pause his petting. "I mean maybe I'll get used to it eventually, it's just that I'll be nervous the first couple of times, you know?" I add quickly.

"Does other people looking at you make you uncomfortable?"

"Well yeah, it's like having your first music concert. Everyone is looking at you and just staring because-" Where am I going with all of this? The answer is right there in front of my face, dangling between my eyes but I find myself too dizzy to focus.

"Well I hate to break it to you, but we _will_ be going there soon, just a few weeks from now. By then, I think you should be trained enough."

"Right, submissive training. I can't wait!" Just imagining a collar around my neck right now and kneeling at Aaron's feet, having him pet me in just the right way...the possibilities make me want to drool on the spot.

"Did you want your collar immediately? Or did you want to wait until we get to the club?" Caine asks. I realize that I'm rubbing the base of my neck.

"As soon as possible!" I yelp. "I mean, I would love to have one whenever we can get it."

"Just curious; how does collaring make you feel?"

His question takes me by surprise and I sit there, thinking about it. My answer is somewhat disorganized in terms of explaining, but this is the best I can say: "Collaring, for me

 

 

Caine and I hug for several minutes from there; he guides my breathing, I listen. He loosens his grip, I panic. It's a tiring cycle for several minutes, and just when I feel like I finally put the lid on my emotions, fear would just wash over me all over again; rinse and repeat.

"Can we _please_ sign the contract?" I beg. Caine's skin is easy to detach from with how much I'm sweating; I would love to stay close to him but it's getting hot.

He must hear my determination  by the tone of voice, so Caine looks me dead in the eyes and nods slowly. There's an undermining sense of caution, concern, and proudness. "Let's do this." I sigh happily.   
  
  
  


 

"This is perfect." I respond. Before Caine can say anything more, the pen is snatched from his fingers and I'm signing my life away. Caine fills out the last blank line too, sitting on the desk when we're finished. He tucks them into a small compartment.

"Shall we seal the deal?" A sly smirk graces his visage.

"With a kiss of course." I roll my eyes. "But on the cheek!" Caine pouts, but takes what he can get; we can be intimate like this, but heavier things will have to wait.

I can only enjoy the ride from now on.

 

                                                                                                                                   **End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay before you freak out, just know that I'll be writing a sequel to this story. There are still a lot of unanswered questions (AKA 'Where is Christina?' or 'Will Jay get better?' or 'Is Aaron really okay with his lover being with someone else?') so keep a lookout for the next book. As an intermission, I have decided to start on a new story to keep you busy. It is called "Thomas Sinew Pulled the Trigger" and it is featured in an Alpha/Beta/Omega universe. Check out the preview if you want; it's in "The Giving Tree" with the exact same title.
> 
> That's all for now. Thanks for reading!!!!!!


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